Sep. 5th, 2012

exhilaration: (impossible things)
30. Look back on this last month and talk about it.

Well I started this meme in January, actually, as something to give my journal a little structure right after my birthday. I said that if that day was the last day of my life, I'd be disappointed because I felt like I wasn't living my life to it's full potential because I wasted too much time being miserable - so miserable that I had actually written and deleted an entry that answered the question differently: I said that if that day had been the last day of my life I'd have been happy because at least it would mean it was all finally over.

Since then my outlook has changed quite a bit - and I've worked very hard to change it, but I don't know if my hard work really meant anything at all. Maybe I'm just less depressed because it is summer, so it's not dark and cold all the time and I have so much more sunlight, and because I'm doing so much better being independent now because I'm much better recovered from surgery finally, and because I've got my hands on some decent drugs that do control my pain enough that I can function fairly normally.

For the most part, though, I feel much better when I stay away from self-reflection.

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Lara I.

October 2012

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