exhilaration: (Default)
So, a couple things I want to write about, here, one being one of the lj comms I'm on. I started a livejournal for the comms. I wrote in it, yeah, like one day a month or something, but it was really just to participate in the comms. Fandom stuff, some, and other things that just had to do with life, like art and photography and things like that. One comm I've been reading for a while is [livejournal.com profile] poor_skills (which I did mention the other day) and it can be a little infuriating how self righteous people can be about how much they're willing to sacrifice to be cheaper than everyone else in existence... but there's a lot of good information on that comm, especially for someone like me who often finds myself in situations where I'm like, uh oh, didn't expect this one, what do I do, I know, I'll call my mom, she knows, oh wait, not speaking to her, huh, wonder how I sort this one out? And so on.

So there's this girl who's been posting there a lot and it seems she's out of work because she broke her leg. Okay, so, she doesn't know what to do because she can't work because she's hurt, and she's trying to deal with having no income. Great. Okay, so [livejournal.com profile] poor_skills is a good place to get some pointers. Fine. But I've found myself, tonight, just wanting to shake her. Or at least leave her a nasty comment. Which I'm not going to do, because it's probably not a good idea, but... really? Really, she can't cook, because she's on crutches? Really? Really?

HAS IT REALLY NEVER OCCURRED TO THE GIRL TO SIT ON A DAMN STOOL?

I mean, seriously, I swear I am no type of supergimp. I am so far from that. I don't cook often, because I think it's a pain in the ass cooking for one person, and I never feel like doing the dishes anyway so my solution is just not to use them, and yes, that is called being very lazy, but... I can cook. I can cook really well. It never occurred to me to think, ok, I can't cook because I'm on crutches, I have to keep my hands on them or I fall down (her words, not mine) so I have to eat only things that don't need to be prepared, because I can't cook.

Obviously I'm just being really unsympathetic here. Which is why this is here on my personal journal and not on the comm. And yeah, pretty much all aspects of life are harder when you can't stand up on your own. But harder doesn't have to mean impossible. Really. It doesn't.

Moving along, more of the same and a little bit different, I did say I went to the beach, right? )

I really miss living near public transportation. I really, really do. I miss living in the city. I don't like having a car and I don't like driving and I'm the worst driver ever.

And that's... yeah, that's about it, that's all I got for tonight.

Oh. Oh, there is the fact that I hate my job. I really, really hate my job and I fantasize every day about telling off every stupid, condescending, self-entitled customer and then getting fired. I can't wait.
exhilaration: (Default)
But Gonna Post Anyway

Voice posts are so freakin' fun, aren't they?

Well I went to the beach today, yes, it's true, I really did. I just kind of decided, a few days ago, that I really, really wanted to. I live here. I used to dream about living here. I used to wish I could go to the beach any time I wanted. I don't know if I'm still going to be here next summer - I still don't have another job, I still can't get the other house properly zoned - for all I know my whole entire plan is going to go completely to shit and I'll be somewhere else doing something else entirely in another year. Somehow that made me do a complete one-eighty about going to the beach.

Erica insisted we go to her beach. Erica is a mainlander (unlike me, see, I'm an islander, that's how we talk around here) and so, for reasons completely unfathomable to me, she considers Wildwood her beach. I've been to Wildwood plenty of times. I've been on that beach maybe... once? Ages ago? But I did know that the beach is huge. I did know that. I remember that. I just forgot it.

Ok, ok, ok, so it's not really five miles from the boardwalk to the ocean. It's more like a quarter of a mile. But seriously. It's fine, though. Whatever, I don't care, so I needed help to get across the beach to where we were sitting. I should have remembered how wide the beach is in Wildwood. My bad, really. Not a big deal.

I got a suntan. I dug in the sand. Slept. Listened to music. Wore something really skimpy. Got ocean water dumped on me. My hair dried with salt water on it and looks... very strange right now. Drank Smirnoff Ice. Dug a hole in the sand for my bottle to keep it cold/hidden (no alcohol on the beach, obviously, and no glass bottles allowed either) I brushed Erica's hair.

And I totally intend to go again next week.

I guess I've finally been converted.
exhilaration: (Rose close-up)
I'm a real mess, here.

Still no job.

Shouldn't really be freaking out about that. I have one job anyway. It's a good job, it pays pretty well. Maybe I'll be okay just working more hours there. Except, well, come winter, I'll only be working there a few days a week, I'm sure, and that certainly won't work. But it does take more than a few days to find a job. Doesn't it? So I shouldn't be kicking myself over that.

Aside from the job. Aside from the car. Oh, the stupid, stupid car - right, aside from that.

I'm a lesbian. A les. bi. an. I'm not bi. I'm not straight. I like other girls. I always have. I have had three girlfriends in my life, and I was head over fucking heels for all three of them.

So what the fuck am I doing messing around with a guy?

Yeah. I really don't know either. But I am.

Yep. That's pretty much what happened. )

I always fall for the unavailable ones. It's what I do.
exhilaration: (Default)
You want to know what happened to me at work today?

Well, it was my last day at the Coffee Co, that's what.

I got to work, went inside, and Kiva (my manager) said Renee (the owner, and my manager at the other store) was there and needed to talk to me. I was like, uh, okay, whatever, and Renee gave me this little prepared speech about how I can't just pick and choose when I want to work, if I'm scheduled to work I need to come in or get my shift covered, and that "reliability has been a problem" with me and not showing up yesterday was the icing on the cake, and I can consider myself officially no longer an employee of the Coffee Co.

I call bullshit. Reliability has never "been an issue" with me. There have been three times, in the year and a half I've worked for her, that I haven't come to work. One, when I had to go to court. Two, I missed three days and I had a doctor's note, and three, yesterday. And as for yesterday, I said specifically to Kiva on Monday, "if I stay today, I am not coming in tomorrow." She did not say "if you don't come in tomorrow, you're fired." And lets not forget the reason I had to stay so late on Monday was because other people called out at the last minute. And then there are all those times Shaina called out the morning of her shift because she wanted to take her kids to the park or some shit like that. I am not unreliable. I have never heard of a job where only one employee is never allowed to take days off, never allowed to call in sick, never allowed to have a vacation or whatever. Other people do it all the time, I, for some reason, am always required to cover for people who are taking days off, and have never been allowed to take a day off myself. I was also hired with the understanding that I had the five am shift until a new person was hired - three new people were hired and I never got off the five am shift. When I "got moved" to the other store, to which I had no transportation to, I also had the five am shift every day. Everyone else rotated, they each got one five am shift a week. I got one every day. Kiva said it was because Renee told her those are the shifts I wanted. Which is bullshit, of course - my second job is at night, why would I want a five am shift? They trolley doesn't start running until seven, why would I want a five am shift?

And the really messed up thing is, I LIKED that job. )

And now I'm home. And I'm still kind of stunned about getting fired. I've never gotten fired before, ever. And I really want to know what happened to all those people who called out on Monday and made me have to stay so late - I bet you anything they still have jobs. Not really sure what I'm going to do about money. I'm not going to make enough. I should be more worried than I actually am, I think. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet or something.
exhilaration: (Default)
When you see this line on your flist, quote something from Doctor Who.

"I'm always okay."

Well, I worked all weekend. All. Freakin. Weekend. Including Saturday morning at 5am (Saturday is not my day to work at the Coffee Co) at the Coffee Co in town instead of the one on the boardwalk. Mine and Erica's dinner did not happen - I do not have cream cheese - and in fact I have not seen Erica all weekend either. Bevan and Jury came over to my house after Bevan got off work and we had a few beers out on the porch. That was actually pretty nice. I've got a great porch. And since Erica wasn't around, there were no weird Bevan/Erica vibes going on. But that was Thursday. I didn't go out all weekend or have anyone over or do anything remotely cool - well, I did see Doctor Who. That counts, right?

So today I worked this morning at the Coffee Co. Then I got called in to work again this afternoon, also at the Coffee Co, cause, I dunno, I guess someone else called out. And who came in for some coffee? Oh, Bevan and Jury. Apparently they were out surfing in the evening and decided to come up on the boardwalk afterwards.

I always thought Bevan surfed early in the morning - I guess he does surf early in the morning, I mean, the Coffee Co in town is on his way home and he used to stop in there a couple times a week after surfing. I guess he probably still stops in there a few times a week, it's just that I'm not there. But anyway, I know what he likes to drink, he likes to have a large vanilla cappuccino with a tiny splash of almond in it too. So they said they were picking up dinner near where my house is so I asked if they'd wait fifteen minutes for me to get off and then take me home, and we ended up all picking up sandwiches and coming back to my house, and then we took the sandwiches and some beer out to the beach and sat on the blanket for a bit and that was pretty nice.

So I guess people who live here do go out on the beach, just not during peak beach hours or something. I don't know. I haven't really figured it out - maybe there is nothing to figure out. Some people insist they haven't even seen the ocean in years even if they only live a few blocks away, and then there's people like Erica who want to go out on the beach all the time at all hours of the day. I guess everyone is different.

So, here is something real interesting about me and Bevan )

So really, I suppose me and Bevan have known each other for about ten years now :P I'd like to say this is why I felt so comfortable talking to him, and I'd like to say this is why he's pretty much the first real friend I made here, as opposed to just, you know, someone to hang around with randomly, but, honestly, we didn't remember each other. I didn't and he didn't. The totally dumbfounded gaping from both of us when we realized that we had already known each other is a pretty good indication of that.
exhilaration: (impossible things)
I am sooooo glad I got to see Matt. I really, really am. I know I already made a whole entry about this, but I have a lot more to say. Seriously, I've been out of the house and done more and spoken more and just plain old felt more this weekend than I have... ever since moving here, pretty much.

We did end up going to the beach. And at 4:22 (we were a little late) we smoked a little. Cause it is 4/20 today. Which I remembered but was thinking Matt either forgot or didn't care. Hey, it's been so long since we hung out I was beginning to think maybe he didn't smoke anymore, that he was too grown up and responsible and mature to do shit like that or something.

Hanging out on the beach got me thinking about a whole lot of stuff - am I gonna spend a lot of time on the beach this summer or what? I live right next to it. But that doesn't mean anything, really. Lots of people that live right next to the beach never set foot on it. I like the sun. I like sitting there on the beach blanket and just relaxing, and I do like looking at the ocean, especially in the late afternoon when the water is dark blue instead of brown like it is in the morning. I always used to like going to the beach, like I said, my family used to vacation here when I was a kid. But the fact remains that I can't walk on the sand. So I usually stick to the very edge of the beach where there's that nice wooden walkway leading past the dunes - doesn't matter if I park myself right there, cause, like I said, there's nobody here. Of course come summer that's gonna change.

Yeah, I'm not gonna spend time on the beach this summer. Forget that.

Matt has dragged me along to the beach so many times over the years we've been friends. This very beach, sometimes, even. I mean, we used to live in Philly. It's right here. And he would just pick me up. Matt is the only person on the planet I would ever allow to just manhandle me like that. I mean, he would never even ask, not give me any warning, just, pick me right up - a couple times he even dumped me right in the ocean, which was scary as shit but he was right there and it was fun at the same time. And Matt has a long standing history of just picking me up when accessibility turns out to be an issue.

I'm gonna reminisce about my friendships past and present now. I haven't got a lot of friends, so don't expect a lot of entries like this one in the future. )

I still don't have any goals.
exhilaration: (Default)
So I went and sat on the edge of the beach today and drew for a few hours, it was really nice. Even though it was warm and sunny outside it was still pretty cool, especially closer to the water like I was, so eventually I got cold and went home.

When I got back my download was finished and I got to watch the Pompeii episode!

I'm not going to review the whole thing, or spoil anyone, but I was thoroughly impressed. Season three started off with me being seriously skeptical. Season four is doing just peachy, as far as I'm concerned.

So now I'm hardcore obsessing about paint. My kitchen floor is black and beige tiles. Big beige ones and small black ones. They have like a stone-ish texture. Same kind of thing on the wall above the counters. I wanted shiny black and white tiles so I could do it all nineteen fifties-ish, which would have been fab, but, really, white tiles? Shiny white tiles? So, what, I'll have to scrub them with bleach to keep them white, and rub them with mop and glo to keep them shiny? Yeah I think maybe not. If this was my house, that I was going to be living in, then yeah, maybe. For renters? No way. Carpet (eventually) is gonna be a beige-taupe kinda color. Like dirt. So it doesn't show dirt. And it's going to be the burbur kind of carpet, so it doesn't get all visibly worn and stuff.

So I have been debating about what colors I want the rooms. I've had it in my head that I want the living room to be a sort of pale baby blue color, lighter and more pastel than the outside of the house, which is a sort of blue-slate color. I also had this idea that I wanted my shutters to be maroon instead of white, but I'm not even going to go there. They're white and I'm not touching them and that's that. So the living room and the "dining room" share a wall, and the "dining room" shares a wall with the kitchen. Long ago I wanted the kitchen to be like sea foam green, to go with the black and white tiles, but of course that is not the case. So, I guess it should be blue to match the rest of the front half of the house. Except, I don't want it to be blue. But, I don't want it to clash either. I was thinking maybe a darker blue (and this is just a very little bit of wall we're talking here, so I don't know why it being blue is bugging me so much) or maybe even light grey - I don't know.

The bathroom really is going to be sea foam green, cause that's a great color. Maybe the kitchen should match the hallway? Cause I don't want the hallway to be blue like the living room/dining room either... I want the biggest bedroom to be peach walls with green accents. The smallest bedroom can be yellow walls with like cream and pink. I dunno about the middle room - I already did blue and green and yellow and peach, what does that really leave? I can't do purple, I hate purple walls. Maybe the kitchen and the hallway walls should be beige-sand colored, and the middle bedroom should be slate blue like the outside of the house - I have white curtains for that room, that would probably be nice. I'm not sure. It has to look really fab, though, because people are (ideally) gonna pay big money to stay here.

John said he'd go with me to get all the paint sometime this week - he's a waiter at the restaurant, and he's always asking me if I need stuff done around my house, and totally jumped on my "omg paint for me!!" sign. Apparently people always ask him to help them out but no one ever offers to pay, they think it should just be a favor from a friend. Well, friend or no, if someone does something you'd pay anyone else to do, well, you should pay them. Anyway, he's painted lots of houses, so hopefully he can be a good judge of how much paint too get.

He said he might bring Ruth along, if that's okay with me, because he said "she likes that kind of shit" I guess meaning decorating. I know Ruth owns a house on the island too. Maybe it would be good to have her advice, I should probably take her up on that.

I always feel kinda awkward around those two. One, they're both in their thirties, and they pretty much act like teenagers, as far as I've seen. That and, they're both obviously screwing each other, and Ruth is married to some other dude. So that's just kinda odd. But whatever.

Oh PS. I paid my taxes. Yes, I really did. I didn't spend all the money I have on stupid shit and have none left over for taxes. I seem to recall something about my mother insisting I was going to do that. Well, so there, mom. I didn't.
exhilaration: (Default)
It has been, actually. For someone who lives practically on a beach, anyway.

Today after work I went to the other house and sat in it and daydreamed for a little while about living in it and having an awesome life and stuff. I had this brilliant idea that the part I would live in would have the east-facing wall made entirely of windows, and look out on a walled-in private garden with like a fountain and exotic plants and lanterns and stuff, and that maybe I would sleep in a bed that fit inside a bay window and that part of the ceiling would be glass so if I woke up looking up I would see the sky... and then I had this idea that to get to that part of the house, I could either unlock a door in the garden wall and go in that way, or I could go in the front door and then go in a secret door that only I knew about, like, pull a book out of a shelf and have the bookshelves slide open or something.

Hey, if that's what I really want, I could do that, right? There is, probably, a way to rig something like that, right?

Right. So, how about if I focus on having a full-sized refrigerator, oven, stove, microwave, dishwasher, garbage disposal, granite countertops, and decently made cabinets and oh yeah, some tiles on the floor would be great. Yeah. I'll start with that.

I can't believe I ever thought I'd have ANY of this done by summer. Hell, I might not even finish this floor by summer.

But anyway. This afternoon I went and sat in the other, gutted, falling down house and looked at the water, and then I went and sat on this little bench at the very edge of the beach, you know, where there's like a wooden path through the sand. I really hate the beach but I rather like the water. It's soothing to look at and to listen to.

And then after work tonight I went to a bar in Wildwood with a few coworkers, and got driven home by a drunk person. Hey, there's nothing better than driving drunk yourself, right? They were all going to a diner afterwards but my ride was going home, so, home I came, too. And here I am.

The End.

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Lara I.

October 2012

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