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Well, here's how it goes:

Friday I worked at the restaurant all day, both shifts. Got off around eight and went to a strip club. And for the record, no, this is not what I usually do, I haven't been there in at least a month. B likes to go with his friends and at this point, it's more that I'd rather go with them than stay home by myself. And there's a girl there named Ariel who yes I understand that she is working is really very friendly to me and is usually good for some interesting conversation. She always remembers my name, too :P

Then Saturday I worked during lunch and came home and slept for a bit, and was woken up by a phonecall from Erica, who, just kinda nonchalantly wanted to know if she could come over. I was like, where are you? And she was like, 9th street, lol. So I just explained to her how to get to this house from the old house, and over she came. I got dressed and we went out for dinner at this little place on the island (my town is dry so none of the restaurants serve alcohol) and then crossed the bridge so we could go somewhere else for some drinks, and she called a bunch of her friends and it was kind of like a "girls night out" or whatever.

She slept on my couch, I went to work at Wawa, then went to work at the restaurant (but only for like four hours) and came home and went to sleep, and then woke up and tried to catch up on some of my TV shows. I got through all my back episodes of Sarah Conner Chronicles and watched one episode of House, but I'm still behind on that one.

And now that I've kind of wound down from the excitement of seeing Erica again and knowing that she's obviously okay, I'm kinda pissed. Not so much at her but at me, I mean, I could have been like, "yeah, way to return my phonecalls and let me know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere" but I wasn't, I didn't even bring it up.

I guess I didn't want to start a fight. I know I can be a bitch sometimes but she's pretty hot-headed too, and I was so glad to see her I just didn't even want to go there. I feel like I should have, though.

So I dunno if she was just passing through or what. I didn't even ask.
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I'm moving. Really soon.

My job in AC has not really helped me get more money - I just spent all that on new tires for my car and fixing the alignment. Also I've opened a new credit card and now have car insurance. This may have been a mistake, but it's done now, so whatever, I guess.

I have people who reallyreally want to rent my downstairs until the summer starts. So that's money right there, from rent, except - that means I've got to move to the other house, which is utter chaos and there's not one single part of it that's livable at this very moment. So... I'm funneling all available funds into making at least that much happen. Ryan went with me to the other house to get a good idea about what's been going on with it. It's going to work out, it really will, but, as always, my timeline is totally screwed.

So... I've been packing the rest of my stuff up and I'm moving on Wednesday. Ryan is going to be around until at least next month and has already made it abundantly clear that he's happy to help me move and etc. I don't have a lot of stuff, so it's not that huge of a chore, but now I have a problem.

The blue and yellow room.

Come summer I'm going to be renting this floor by the week/weekend, and of course by then it will be furnished. It's about half furnished now. Most of the walls are not painted any cool colors, and in fact, the walls are kind of messed up, but I'm leaving them like that for now. The blue and yellow room, though, is completely furnished. Erica did it. She picked everything out. We painted. She put the furniture in there how she wanted it. And all her stuff is still in there.

So... I've got to pack up her stuff now, too. And I can't even begin to describe how intensely uncomfortable I am going through somebody else's things. I mean, yeah, she did leave it all here. But still. And what am I going to do with it? Take it with me? Put it up in the attic? Ask her parents to come get it?

I am dreading going through her room. It gives me the heebie jeebies. But I've packed pretty much everything else that I can.
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Erica is still here. I'm thinking Erica doesn't have a job any more since she worked for the campaigns... I would rather she not be here right now. I don't even mean not living here - I'm not sure about that yet, but that's not what I meant. I just want the house to myself because I'm fucking miserable and I'm sure I'm being a bitch. She keeps trying to have a conversation with me and I keep telling her to leave me the fuck alone.

She's washing the dishes right now, I can hear her. I think she wanted to clean to give herself something to do and to prove she's a decent housemate, but of course I cleaned everything under the sun yesterday when I was mad.

I'm not mad anymore. I got over that. I mean, I can only spend so much time being angry about things that I can't change. It's just a waste of energy, and I never seem to have enough of that as it is. I don't know how the rest of the world does it - I feel like I'm always pushed to my very limits, mentally, emotionally, physically, everything. I'm just permanently exhausted. I guess I'm getting old or something.

Cut because I keep going about getting old and falling apart. )

I think I'm going to watch the last two episodes of "Life on Mars," which I've kind of been saving for a good time to watch them both together. And try to relax and chill out. Or something.

Vote Yet?

Nov. 4th, 2008 11:00 pm
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So this morning I woke up and launched immediately into a cleaning frenzy, which is usually what I tend to do when I'm furious about something.

Bullshit from last night )

I can't count how many people at work today asked me if I voted yet.

You know what? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

And yes, when I get all defensive like that, of course there's something I'm not proud of behind it all.

What an election. History in the making. How amazing.

I didn't expect it to sting so much. But I would have liked to vote.

There. I actually mentioned politics. How about that.
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Dear Erica (and if you snoop around on my computer when I'm not home and actually read this, I don't care - but I'm pretty sure you don't),

I'm not crazy. I never thought I was crazy. None of my family or friends ever thought I was crazy. None of my doctors, including my psychiatrist (who doesn't give a shit about me, lol) think I'm crazy. "Crazy" and "angry" are two different things: "crazy" is organic. "Angry" is environmental. And right now, you are the environment.

I know you've been in my medicine basket looking for something to get high. I know you have. Cause I count my pills, and shit is missing. So, one, flying into a rage over this isn't "crazy." I have that shit because I need it, and you CANT have it because you DONT need it. And believe me, you don't want to need it.

And two, nothing in that basket is to be referred to as "crazy meds." I don't take "crazy meds" because I'm not crazy. There is an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer in there, and I do take them both, but this does not make me "crazy" so don't dismiss me being angry over you messing with my pills as "oh that's just Lara being crazy."

I guess I didn't make this clear when you moved in: those pills rule my life. Don't touch them. Don't "borrow" them and don't mess with them or play with them. I don't care how pathetic this makes me sound. Don't even think about it. Call me obsessed. Call me a junkie if you must.

BUT I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY.
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"Kate, do you know what time it is?"

(Kate is a server who thinks everyone who isn't a server or is a new server is clearly an idiot.)

"Why? Are you saying I'm late? Why would you ask me that?"

"I don't think you're late. I just wondered if you know what time it is."

*shakes head in disgust* "I don't know what you're talking about."

She started walking away from me and I hollered after her that it's Daylight Savings today, and she stopped dead in her tracks and turned around, blinking, and then said she thinks her boyfriend (who was the opening) must have come to work at eight this morning instead of nine.

Sigh. I don't know why everyone always thinks I'm talking nonsense... I'm usually right... really, I am...

I did know it was daylight savings today, but only because I was playing Rock Band with B and his friends last night and one of them reminded everyone.

Cut cause I ramble, of course I do, I so totally ramble... )

But I didn't say all that. I just said both my parents speak English.

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Lara I.

October 2012

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