exhilaration: (Rose close-up)
I worked all weekend. Got stuck very late at work friday night - I didn't get home until almost three, and we close at one, and I wasn't even supposed to be there until close in the first place. I've been trying pretty hard to make work as least awkward as possible - Saturday night I always do take-out, which means I'm at the bar, and Saturday night is B's bar shift, and last week I bailed and got someone to cover me so I wouldn't have to work so close with him. This week he switched with another bartender and waited tables I guess so he wouldn't have to work so close with me. Yeah... we were talking to each other, I mean, we had to, we had to talk to each other because we're working together. It's a restaurant - teamwork, and all.

But Sunday - I mean, one of us had to say something at some point, I guess. When lunch was ending and the dinner shift was coming in I was kind of hanging around by the bar - I had asked, at the beginning of the shift, if B could drive me home, and he said okay, so I was just waiting for the other bartender to come in. And we have been talking - about nothing. About the Phillies - incessantly - oh, did you know, the Phillies are in the world series? I am starting to fall for the team, really, I am. They're hardcore. I'm in love with all of them. I can't believe I saw them play that first time over the summer and could barely pay attention to them. Not now, my friends! Now I am glued to the screen!

So yeah, we've mostly been talking either about working or the Phillies. Safe topics, or whatever. But Sunday afternoon B kind of leaned on the bar and looked at me and was like, "will it do me any good to apologize to you?"

And when did I ever say I wanted an apology, anyway? )

But the whole time I had this weird feeling that this is the last time we'll ever do anything like that. Like it's already too late. Like we've both already said too much and we can never go back to the easy way things were. Now it's either going to be complicated, or it's going to be over.

And that's what I was trying to avoid all along. I'd say he was doing the same thing, but really I have no idea.

It makes me kind of sad.


Oct. 14th, 2008 01:13 am
exhilaration: (Default)
So... well, we'll start with the good news: Phillies won! Very stressful game, too! I was on the edge of my seat, too, I mean, seriously, way to recover AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE.

I listened to the game on the internet. At home. Not at a bar. Not with B or any friends.

You wanna know how my "date" went?

Apparently I'm doing it wrong.

Thursday is my day off (always) and Erica is driving me to AC so I can get on a train to Philly. Getting picked up by Krissy - my ex - but this is not how it sounds. We're hanging out with our mutual friend D, the one who was shot last year and also has a SCI, like me, only his is a higher level. I was supposed to go to this party he was having a few months ago, but I couldn't make the transportation work, so I had to bail. I'm going to Philly to see him, because he specifically said he wanted to see me.

I've never wished for "back in the day" more than I am right now. I miss my house in North Philly. I miss how I could hear the train going by - I thought it was so cool to hear the train and I never got sick of it, ever! I miss sitting out on D's front porch with Daniel and Jay and everyone else, just shooting the shit all night. I was always "blah blah blah Winnie" or later, "blah blah blah Krissy" and that's how it's supposed to be. I get hung up on girls. GIRLS. Every time.

I'm NOT one of those girls who was confused and was going through a "phase." This is part of WHO I AM. It's not going to change.

Besides, apparently I'm doing it wrong anyway.
exhilaration: (Default)
So, baseball - this is called postseason, and it's leading up to the world series. "My" team is the Phillies - New Jersey does not have a baseball team of their own. I sometimes don't realize that not every city out there has a sports team for every major sport there is, but Philadelphia does. And Philly kind of has a reputation for having really good sports teams that always manage to fuck it up at the last minute.

I mentioned I saw the game Thursday night at a bar. It was a very high-energy game - baseball can be very boring to watch but I am starting to get into it, like I said. And the game was great, there was a grand slam and everything. I think I'm starting to see baseball like one of my TV shows or something, weird, eh?

Anyway, I worked on Friday night, all night, and went home and sat around online and stuff. Saturday I worked all day and all night as well, but Saturday night I was doing take-out instead of being a hostess.

Doing take-out is kind of fun because it's something different to do for a change. Also, I don't have to stay in the lobby, I stay by the bar, and Saturday night is always Bevan's bar shift. If I'm not answering the phone or busy ringing people up or something, he always lets me make drinks and wash the glasses if I want to. It's kind of cool. So, Erica and Hanna came to the restaurant and sat at the bar to watch the Phillies game, just like she said she would, and I was kinda surprised by that. I was pretty much expecting her to bail on us.

So working was a little like hanging out, because everyone at work was watching the game too. When the game ended (and the game was awful, Phillies lost miserably, and it was a very boring and low-energy game) the restaurant pretty much cleared out, and since Bevan was the first bartender in, he got to leave first, and the four of us left together.

And I really should have expected this, since it was Saturday night and all. )

Yeah, go me. I am THE WORST friend ever. And that I-wish-I-was-a-dominatrix girl I mentioned that I used to live with? Yeah, I was a shit friend to her too.
exhilaration: (Default)
Can someone from Pennsylvania Dutch Country please mail me a Shoofly pie?

I just read a fanfic that mentioned shoofly pie. And now I want one.

And I'm positive that there is not a single slice on this island.

Anyone? Bail me out? Help me cave to my craving?

Shoofly pie with coffee ice cream. Obviously. The only way it can ever be consumed.
exhilaration: (Default)
I luuuurrrrve my font porch. It's like, my favorite place in the house these days. I don't have air conditioning and I don't have a television and so often when I'm home with nothing to do sitting on the porch with the laptop and a beer is just the most awesome option there is. And I always choose most awesome over least awesome.

So that bit I wrote an hour ago or so. Then SOME STUFF HAPPENED. As follows:

So I yelled at Erica really bad. )

But I'm still pissed, and I'm still just sitting here furiously typing, because I don't really know what else to do. That time, that night I keep going back to, that night I decided to pretend like I was some kind of nymphomaniac and slept with my friend Bevan it left me totally out of sorts, I mean, I totally wasn't myself and that's not something I'd normally do to begin with, but then I also had no one to talk to cause... who do I normally talk to about stuff? Him! And I feel just like that now, who do I talk to all the time, who do I feel listens to me the most, oh, Erica! Bevan too, but I don't see him as often anymore, especially not alone. And I can't exactly talk to Erica about Erica, now can I?


exhilaration: (Default)
Lara I.

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