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Well I think all my stuff is fixed now.

Broad statement, yes, I know. But it kind of seems to cover pretty much everything that's been going on.

So, my internet wasn't working. My speakers weren't working. Speakers on the laptop were fine, my SOUND SYSTEM was what was being buggy. That and my wireless, I mean, come on, really? I took my whole set up apart and put everything back together - no help. Tried some "process of elimination" type trials - thought maybe it was an electrical problem or something. That's really not my thing. Computers? Networks? Yes. Electrical stuff? No. Called Bevan. He came over to trouble shoot with me. He's pretty good with computers. Neither of us could figure out exactly what the problem was. He brought over a big box of spare electronics. I have a similar box. We re-wired and switched things around for a few hours. It was pretty fucking frustrating, and to top it all off, neither of us really figured out what was wrong. But the wireless works again, and so does the sound system, everything's just... put together a little differently.

I hate those kinds of solutions. They're completely unsatisfying. I'd rather figure out the problem and fix it from there. In fact, I'd almost prefer to find out the problem and realize it can't be fixed than be reduced to trying random things and just seeing what happens.

And I think there seems to be an intermittent in my power chord for the laptop. This hasn't been causing any of the above problems, but I kind of discovered it while trouble shooting. I never really noticed that my laptop doesn't always know it's plugged in. This could turn out to be a bigger problem than it is now. But whatever, I'll deal with that when it comes up.

Moving on. My car. My car is registered.

And what a story that is. )

I hate money. Not having it is the bane of my existence.

And, wtf, house, why did you eat Bevan's keys?
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So, a couple things I want to write about, here, one being one of the lj comms I'm on. I started a livejournal for the comms. I wrote in it, yeah, like one day a month or something, but it was really just to participate in the comms. Fandom stuff, some, and other things that just had to do with life, like art and photography and things like that. One comm I've been reading for a while is [livejournal.com profile] poor_skills (which I did mention the other day) and it can be a little infuriating how self righteous people can be about how much they're willing to sacrifice to be cheaper than everyone else in existence... but there's a lot of good information on that comm, especially for someone like me who often finds myself in situations where I'm like, uh oh, didn't expect this one, what do I do, I know, I'll call my mom, she knows, oh wait, not speaking to her, huh, wonder how I sort this one out? And so on.

So there's this girl who's been posting there a lot and it seems she's out of work because she broke her leg. Okay, so, she doesn't know what to do because she can't work because she's hurt, and she's trying to deal with having no income. Great. Okay, so [livejournal.com profile] poor_skills is a good place to get some pointers. Fine. But I've found myself, tonight, just wanting to shake her. Or at least leave her a nasty comment. Which I'm not going to do, because it's probably not a good idea, but... really? Really, she can't cook, because she's on crutches? Really? Really?

HAS IT REALLY NEVER OCCURRED TO THE GIRL TO SIT ON A DAMN STOOL?

I mean, seriously, I swear I am no type of supergimp. I am so far from that. I don't cook often, because I think it's a pain in the ass cooking for one person, and I never feel like doing the dishes anyway so my solution is just not to use them, and yes, that is called being very lazy, but... I can cook. I can cook really well. It never occurred to me to think, ok, I can't cook because I'm on crutches, I have to keep my hands on them or I fall down (her words, not mine) so I have to eat only things that don't need to be prepared, because I can't cook.

Obviously I'm just being really unsympathetic here. Which is why this is here on my personal journal and not on the comm. And yeah, pretty much all aspects of life are harder when you can't stand up on your own. But harder doesn't have to mean impossible. Really. It doesn't.

Moving along, more of the same and a little bit different, I did say I went to the beach, right? )

I really miss living near public transportation. I really, really do. I miss living in the city. I don't like having a car and I don't like driving and I'm the worst driver ever.

And that's... yeah, that's about it, that's all I got for tonight.

Oh. Oh, there is the fact that I hate my job. I really, really hate my job and I fantasize every day about telling off every stupid, condescending, self-entitled customer and then getting fired. I can't wait.
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I'm a real mess, here.

Still no job.

Shouldn't really be freaking out about that. I have one job anyway. It's a good job, it pays pretty well. Maybe I'll be okay just working more hours there. Except, well, come winter, I'll only be working there a few days a week, I'm sure, and that certainly won't work. But it does take more than a few days to find a job. Doesn't it? So I shouldn't be kicking myself over that.

Aside from the job. Aside from the car. Oh, the stupid, stupid car - right, aside from that.

I'm a lesbian. A les. bi. an. I'm not bi. I'm not straight. I like other girls. I always have. I have had three girlfriends in my life, and I was head over fucking heels for all three of them.

So what the fuck am I doing messing around with a guy?

Yeah. I really don't know either. But I am.

Yep. That's pretty much what happened. )

I always fall for the unavailable ones. It's what I do.
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You know those really thin plastic bags you get from the grocery store to put your veggies in?

I totally just turned on the toaster with one of those bags kind of... near it, like, almost on it but not quite.

They melt, by the way. Really quickly.

Anyway.

My Great And Wonderful Plan is totally screwed. How screwed? Oh, let me count the ways.

Well, there's my car. If I get my car fixed and registered and insured, it'll max out my credit card. I don't really want to do that, because that would leave me completely screwed if anything else comes up.

I have spent ALL of the money from the loan I took out on the house. I have not even remotely paid the loan off. (To be fair to me, paying the loan off by now certainly wasn't part of the original plan to begin with) I still cannot do anything else with the other house because I am still stalled by stupid zoning bullshit and the like.

The idea was supposed to be that by the end of the summer I would move into the other house, because it would actually be mostly livable by then because it would have been being worked on all summer, and I would rent out both floors of this house for the winter, and then by NEXT summer I would be renting out both floors of this house and two floors of that house all to tourists and all by the week, and THAT is how I would start paying everything off.

APPARENTLY NOT.

I went to the Coffee Co this morning to pick up my paycheck. I'll get another check from them on Friday, and then that's the end of that. That's six hundred dollars a month I won't have. By September I won't be getting the money from renting my upstairs anymore either. I can, hopefully, rent it to someone for the winter, but it certainly won't be the income it's been all summer.

If I spent ACTUAL money on fixing my car and all that, then I wouldn't have any ACTUAL money. But if I have no transportation (and the trolley doesn't run in the winter either) then how am I ever going to find another job, unless it's just down the street or something? I already inquired at pretty much every place of business within a ten-block radius - no one is hiring permanently. Couple places are hiring seasonal, but at this point, that's, like, two months. Which I'm torn between taking, and then starting the job search again in the fall (which is practically impossible since everyone downsizes in the fall), and ignoring, because what I really need is a non-seasonal job, and something that doesn't rely on tourism to sustain it, like... I don't even know what that would be anymore.

I need a "real job," is what it comes down to. Not a "kid job." Which means I need transportation. Blegh.

I AM IN OVER MY HEAD. I swore that I would not be, and, look at that, I AM.

And what, pray tell, has been occupying my every thought these days? No, not really my car, or finding a job. Not whatever disaster of a mess I've gotten myself into with Bevan. Nope.

I'm still writing that god-awful fanfic.

Which... feels good to be writing, but at the same time, damn, could I waste any more time?

Blegh.
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It's been an interesting few days.

To say the least.

To start with, Bevan came over Thursday night. Thursday is my only day off from both jobs, except, oh wait, I only have one job now. Anyway, Bevan came over last night. Jory has come over a few times on Thursday nights, but not this week. What it boils down to is that Jory just doesn't really like me, and that's fine. Usually the only kinds of girls who like me are girls like Erica and Krissy: tall and loud and beautiful and love to talk about themselves. And I like to listen to people talk about themselves, so it works out pretty well.

Bevan is a pretty quiet guy. He doesn't really initiate conversation with people. We got to be friends pretty much because I continually tried to make conversation with him because I was bored at work. And I don't really initiate conversation either - I'm friendly but not really outgoing, if that makes sense. So while I feel like oh, Erica has explained every single aspect of her life to me many times over, there are a lot of things about Bevan I don't know. One of them that has been on my mind recently is why does he live in his dad's basement? So finally I just flat out asked him, and he gave a fairly straightforward answer: it's easier. And I suppose it would be, wouldn't it, not paying rent and all that. He had his own apartment for a while but eventually moved back home. Huh.

So really we just talked a lot, to each other, about each other )

So, right, just like I said, kiss kiss, bang bang.

Yeah.

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Lara I.

October 2012

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