Sometimes Fires Don't Go Out When You're Done Playing With Them

The intern and I hung a show today. The opening is on Friday night. I thought I was going to work the opening, but apparently the intern is, since she thinks it will help her build connections, or something. Julia I guess told us both that we would get to work it, and then forgot she told me.

Fine, whatever, that's just another Friday night alone by myself just like any other, and not enough money at the end of the week, just like always.

Also I went up a ladder today, you know, to hang some things, and Julia freaked out at me. She says I can't do that because I might fall off and get hurt, and then she'd get in some kind of legal trouble. I didn't really know waht to say to that, I mean, I thought we had already covered this? I told her I worked in a gallery before, and that I hung shows all the time, and took them down, and re-prepped the walls, surely she had to understand that meant climbing ladders, right?

It's not even that dangerous, I mean, I've never fallen off yet, and I've never nearly fell off, and I've never felt like I was about to fall off. If I thought I could fall, I wouldn't do it!

So, hm, it's my gallery experience that made Julia want to hire me, but it seems like she doesn't really want me in the gallery. "That's for the intern to do," she always says every time I start to do something. Ah well. I am learning a lot about framing from her, she's right, it isn't hard, and she's right again, I do pick things up easily.

Under my shoulder blade really hurts right now. And the weird thing of it is, under the other shoulder blade hurt this morning. And it really, really hurt, too, I didn't know what to do about it, I mean, I had already taken my shit for the morning and I'd hate to start taking double doses just for my shoulder. But maybe something is wrong, because I shouldn't really be feeling any kind of minor aches and pains from anything on these pills that I'm taking. But then AGAIN, why would one shoulder hurt so bad this morning and then switch to the other side tonight?

Could this pain be like in my brain or something?

My back feels all right. Not great, but all right. I'll deal. How can my shoulder possibly hurt more than a fucking metal plate?

One would think my shoulders might hurt from using crutches all these years. Maybe. I guess that makes sense. But how come now, how come not ever before? And why so much? It can't be more than a pulled muscle, right?

Who knows. I'm not a doctor, what can I say? I'm not good at guessing about my own body. Every time I try I'm completely off base.

It hurts so much right now I'd almost go to the ER, never mind the huge bill I'd end up with. I could probably get it forgiven since I have virtually no dollars whatsoever. They'd probably just think I was looking for drugs.

I'm not, I swear. I actually hate drugs. I'm just afraid something is really wrong.