Today Is A Hair Day
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationNot a good hair day or a bad hair day - just a Hair Day.
I've been performing various degrees of manipulation on my hair since I was sixteen and never once let up, so I think I've got this hair thing down by now.
I mentioned my hair looked like shit, right? Wasn't holding the dye and was looking all nasty and faded?
Is fixed now, peeps. Sometimes hair situations have to be handled delicately, and sometimes this just takes time. After the first "oh fuck it all, I'll just dye it black" incident, to cover what would have been a lovely dye job on healthy - or even semi healthy - hair, well, I've just been conditioning the hell out of it. It hasn't really helped - and this didn't really surprise me. I've had white hair before, so I did understand when I decided to go for it again what would eventually happen to it. So... I caved, and cut it off. Left about two inches of dead hair, pretty much for styling purposes, so my hair is pretty short now. Four inches long I guess. I touched up my roots with black dye, and then put a red rinse over it all. So, it's black with dark red ends. Kind of a reverse of my hair last year, which was maroon with black ends.
Also, my birthday has come and gone. I'm twenty five now. Thanks to everyone who made me a birthday post!
Since I kind of consider my birthday to be my own personal New Year's, I try to do something decent for myself every year. Usually it's something like taking time to read a book I like or oh, I dunno, doing something cool with my hair, or something like that.
Ever since... whatever I've had going on with Bevan started, I've been really uneasy about it. I think a lot of it has been simply that he's a guy, and I've called my sexual orientation such a huge part of my identity for so long, but I've kinda-sorta dealt with that. I mean, I have and I haven't - I'm trying not to let it get in the way of anything, though, or cause me too much anxiety, though. I guess the rest of it is that I just don't have the personality for casual relationships. I want to. I like the idea. I think it's healthy. But I just don't, I guess.
And I was really uncomfortable with my assessment of the relationship I'm in: why do we spent time with each other? Cause we're sleeping together. Why are we so close? Cause we're sleeping together. Why do we do nice things, say nice things, go on dates, anything? Cause we're sleeping together. This has made me uneasy ever since I first got in to this. Besides that... I've said time and time again that somewhere along the line I've developed feelings for him. What kind, I really don't know how to say. But it's certainly not nothing. And this whole thing was based on the fact that it means nothing, so... yeah. Uneasy.
Well... now I've kind of got a boyfriend. I guess. Feels really, really fucking odd to say it like that. But I pretty much said I didn't want to do this anymore if it didn't mean anything, cause it was starting to mean something to me, and when things are unbalanced like that they start to wreak havoc on everyone involved. And after I said that I felt kind of stupid, because it should have been obvious to me that it wasn't "nothing" to either of us, and it kind of was, but I've been kind of refusing to acknowledge it.
I'm acknowledging it now.
So that's what I did on for my birthday. And now... I'm a girlfriend. Something I swore up and down I'd never, ever get into, not for a good long time... and as I was swearing up and down that I was unfit for relationships... there I was getting into one, and now... now I guess I've got a boyfriend.
We'll see if I've fucked things up good or not.
I've been performing various degrees of manipulation on my hair since I was sixteen and never once let up, so I think I've got this hair thing down by now.
I mentioned my hair looked like shit, right? Wasn't holding the dye and was looking all nasty and faded?
Is fixed now, peeps. Sometimes hair situations have to be handled delicately, and sometimes this just takes time. After the first "oh fuck it all, I'll just dye it black" incident, to cover what would have been a lovely dye job on healthy - or even semi healthy - hair, well, I've just been conditioning the hell out of it. It hasn't really helped - and this didn't really surprise me. I've had white hair before, so I did understand when I decided to go for it again what would eventually happen to it. So... I caved, and cut it off. Left about two inches of dead hair, pretty much for styling purposes, so my hair is pretty short now. Four inches long I guess. I touched up my roots with black dye, and then put a red rinse over it all. So, it's black with dark red ends. Kind of a reverse of my hair last year, which was maroon with black ends.
Also, my birthday has come and gone. I'm twenty five now. Thanks to everyone who made me a birthday post!
Since I kind of consider my birthday to be my own personal New Year's, I try to do something decent for myself every year. Usually it's something like taking time to read a book I like or oh, I dunno, doing something cool with my hair, or something like that.
Ever since... whatever I've had going on with Bevan started, I've been really uneasy about it. I think a lot of it has been simply that he's a guy, and I've called my sexual orientation such a huge part of my identity for so long, but I've kinda-sorta dealt with that. I mean, I have and I haven't - I'm trying not to let it get in the way of anything, though, or cause me too much anxiety, though. I guess the rest of it is that I just don't have the personality for casual relationships. I want to. I like the idea. I think it's healthy. But I just don't, I guess.
And I was really uncomfortable with my assessment of the relationship I'm in: why do we spent time with each other? Cause we're sleeping together. Why are we so close? Cause we're sleeping together. Why do we do nice things, say nice things, go on dates, anything? Cause we're sleeping together. This has made me uneasy ever since I first got in to this. Besides that... I've said time and time again that somewhere along the line I've developed feelings for him. What kind, I really don't know how to say. But it's certainly not nothing. And this whole thing was based on the fact that it means nothing, so... yeah. Uneasy.
Well... now I've kind of got a boyfriend. I guess. Feels really, really fucking odd to say it like that. But I pretty much said I didn't want to do this anymore if it didn't mean anything, cause it was starting to mean something to me, and when things are unbalanced like that they start to wreak havoc on everyone involved. And after I said that I felt kind of stupid, because it should have been obvious to me that it wasn't "nothing" to either of us, and it kind of was, but I've been kind of refusing to acknowledge it.
I'm acknowledging it now.
So that's what I did on for my birthday. And now... I'm a girlfriend. Something I swore up and down I'd never, ever get into, not for a good long time... and as I was swearing up and down that I was unfit for relationships... there I was getting into one, and now... now I guess I've got a boyfriend.
We'll see if I've fucked things up good or not.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 04:29 am (UTC)Happy Birthday ::throws confetti:: What date was it?
no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 04:49 am (UTC)anyway I didn't exactly celebrate it - I went to a hockey game a week before and called THAT my birthday celebration, lol.
thanks!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 07:03 am (UTC)HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D
that's weird
Date: 2009-01-19 05:34 pm (UTC)Good luck with the bf/gf thing! :)