exhilaration: (Default)
We are more than the things that have happened to us.

I am more than the things that have happened to me.

But am I more than the things I have done? Can I be better than the things I have done?

I don't believe in karma. I don't believe in any great scorecard in the sky. So... does assigning blame even make a difference?

I can blame myself. My actions caused the situation I've found myself in. I can deflect the blame, too, though. It wasn't really my fault. But it always comes back to me, because in the end, of course it was my fault. But then, was it really my fault? Really?

So let's say it is. Then what? I have so much anger, where do I direct it, then? All on myself?

I don't think I have it in me to hate myself. I can hate my life and I can hate the world and everything in it, and sometimes I hate being alive. But I don't hate myself. I don't think I ever did. But I've definitely got it in me to hate something.

I am pissed that I couldn't vote.

And I'm disgusted with myself.

And I hate the world. And my life.

Yeah, lookit me, I'm all proud of how I don't believe in karma and then I get all bent out of shape when I think life isn't FAIR.

Go figure.

Vote Yet?

Nov. 4th, 2008 11:00 pm
exhilaration: (Default)
So this morning I woke up and launched immediately into a cleaning frenzy, which is usually what I tend to do when I'm furious about something.

Bullshit from last night )

I can't count how many people at work today asked me if I voted yet.

You know what? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

And yes, when I get all defensive like that, of course there's something I'm not proud of behind it all.

What an election. History in the making. How amazing.

I didn't expect it to sting so much. But I would have liked to vote.

There. I actually mentioned politics. How about that.

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Lara I.

October 2012

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