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exhilarationTake my heart and launch it, let it float across the morrow
Deep and dark and dreaming down beneath the sand and sweat
(This line should be deepest but I haven't writ it yet)
My boyfriend and I... had a little bit of a tantrum last night. I think that's the best way to put it. Trying to, you know, resolve the previous incident and instead failing...
I don't know that it was that much of a failure, but... I feel like this is what I do to people. I make them explode, cry, scream, yell - spend enough time with me and I just drag you into it eventually.
And then I feel like maybe I give myself too much credit - I don't control the universe, let alone the people closest to me.
So, what, we're both irreversibly fucked up?
Once, a long time ago... not that long, though, maybe, a year ago, I asked my boyfriend if he realized that when people saw us together, they would wonder what was wrong with him that would make him want to be with me. Instead of, you know... anyone else. And he just kind of looked at me and was like... do you think there's something wrong with me?
And I was like, well... yeah. Actually, yes, I do. I don't know what it is, but... it's got to be something. And he was like, oh, yeah, thanks, that's a great thing to say to someone.
About seven hours later I felt kind of bad for saying that. I guess I am kind of mean. Although not when I'm trying to be, apparently, because I never seem to successfully intimidate anyone, no matter how hard I try.
I don't know really what's worse... mixing someone else's problems up with your own, or just... being alone. I don't like being alone but... this is really hard.
I don't like this sudden feeling of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship.
I don't do well with responsibilities. I'm selfish. And melodramatic. I don't give, I take. I don't share - I either advertise or hide. I categorize. I focus, I obsess... but obsessing isn't the same thing as caring.
Ugh.
I need something that's not going to make me cry. Like... jelly beans, or something.
Deep and dark and dreaming down beneath the sand and sweat
(This line should be deepest but I haven't writ it yet)
My boyfriend and I... had a little bit of a tantrum last night. I think that's the best way to put it. Trying to, you know, resolve the previous incident and instead failing...
I don't know that it was that much of a failure, but... I feel like this is what I do to people. I make them explode, cry, scream, yell - spend enough time with me and I just drag you into it eventually.
And then I feel like maybe I give myself too much credit - I don't control the universe, let alone the people closest to me.
So, what, we're both irreversibly fucked up?
Once, a long time ago... not that long, though, maybe, a year ago, I asked my boyfriend if he realized that when people saw us together, they would wonder what was wrong with him that would make him want to be with me. Instead of, you know... anyone else. And he just kind of looked at me and was like... do you think there's something wrong with me?
And I was like, well... yeah. Actually, yes, I do. I don't know what it is, but... it's got to be something. And he was like, oh, yeah, thanks, that's a great thing to say to someone.
About seven hours later I felt kind of bad for saying that. I guess I am kind of mean. Although not when I'm trying to be, apparently, because I never seem to successfully intimidate anyone, no matter how hard I try.
I don't know really what's worse... mixing someone else's problems up with your own, or just... being alone. I don't like being alone but... this is really hard.
I don't like this sudden feeling of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship.
I don't do well with responsibilities. I'm selfish. And melodramatic. I don't give, I take. I don't share - I either advertise or hide. I categorize. I focus, I obsess... but obsessing isn't the same thing as caring.
Ugh.
I need something that's not going to make me cry. Like... jelly beans, or something.
