Lara I.

(5 Points) What is the color of my bedroom?: The walls are white, just like all the walls down here. I'll change that eventually - colored walls work wonders for a space, they really, really do.

(5 Points) What is my worst habit?: Procrastination. Self-doubt. Making a mess everywhere. Over-categorizing things, especially people.

(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island/desolate mountaintop, what would I bring: Ah, this one is easy. SURVIVAL GEAR AND A WAY TO GET HOME! I don't want to be on a freakin' mountain, OR a desert island!

(6 Points) What's the biggest secret I keep from most people? Well, this is a good place for a sarcastic remark, like, mwa ha ha ha, you will never know my secrets!

Bypassing the sarcasm, and assuming I have secrets, of course, I wouldn't be putting them on my livejournal. I'm sure that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

In real life, there are people that I know and trust and like, and I don't hide anything from them. We've had "spill sessions and the like - we know everything about each other... well, let me correct that. There is one person out there who does know every single thing about me and I know everything about him. Everyone else is a level or two or four or five hundred removed from that.

This person can't stand me and doesn't want anything more to do with me, and this hurts me more than anyone else ever could, I think, because we know each other so entirely. I don't think it's healthy to be thatclose to anyone - I really don't. This isn't just me reacting as someone who's been rejected and doesn't want to take another chance - I'm not the only one who's said this was an unhealthy friendship. When I hear it from someone else, or from several other people, I can take my own assessments a little more seriously.

In my internet life, things are a little different. I didn't start doing it intentionally, but until I started keeping a live journal - well, after I started, really - I kept my disability a secret. I mean, it's not like I said I played soccer and went jogging and to dance clubs and stuff... and it wasn't really keeping a secret, really, because in my early days of the internet I was mostly on creative writing sites, and there was to reason to be talking about myself anyway, unless it pertained to my writing.

But eventually I branched out to chatrooms and stuff, and... it just never came up.

So, livejournal is the first place in the internet I've ever flat out said: I am disabled.

...and it still feels weird to say it. It's still not how I identify myself. I don't deny that I am... it's just not how I think of myself.

It's not something I'd ever have to say to someone in person - why would I, they can see it for themselves, right?

And then once I wrote about it once, I feel like I write about it all the time. Here I am writing about it now. Go figure.

Bonus: I am totally, definitely, disgustingly sick.

(2 Points) What is my favorite color?: Yeah you know grey is my favorite color; I felt so symbolic yesterday. If I knew Picasso, I would buy myself a grey guitar and play... My favorite color changes from day to day, by the way, today it's grey.

(2 Points) Name something I hate: My job (see previous and following entries for details, I don't think I can go into more about how much I hate it at this moment)

(2 Points) Name a talent I have: I can sing! I often win at karaoke contests. I often draw applause at karaoke night! When I went to church... I sang at church. When I was in middle school and high school I sang semi-professionally with a youth worship team, we sang at sister churches and local and not-so-local churches of different denominations (we were paid but we gave the money back to the church). When I was in high school, ninth-grade girls were not allowed to join the regular choir or audition for singing groups because there were just too many girls interested in joining, but I did place very high in a blind-audition (they can't see you and don't know who you are or what school you're from) choral contest and would have had a place in a choral concert had I not dropped out of high school. I guess that is one thing I kind of do regret - when you're in the school system, you do have certain opportunities you wouldn't have otherwise. Singing and music in general are things I love, and I don't really have stage fright per se but I am pretty indifferent about performing - it's not one of my loves and definitely wasn't enough to keep me in the school system, so, yeah. Didn't happen.

(2 Points) What's my fave place to shop? SEPHORA. Do you know Sephora? The make-up store? You can get it all there, you know... I don't wear tons of make-up by any means, but I do wear high quality stuff, and it really does make a difference. Something about the particles being finer and more pure - foundation looks smoother and more natural, eyeshadow does not fade or rub off and the shimmer stuff looks... better, I don't know how else to describe it - and putting make-up on is kind of like painting so I think it's fun and I like to do it differently every day... right now I am into the brand Stila, which comes from Italy. They make very nice mascara, I have not had a problem with it running nor have I found it difficult to get off.

( (4 Points) What kind of shoes do I wear?: )

And they go with everything. I never wear skirts and I never wear shorts, so, they always work. Very easy.

My other shoes are sneakers. For in case, for whatever reason, I can't wear my Docs. I wore them for physical therapy, stuff like that. Maybe if it's absolutely, completely way too hot to wear my Docs I'll wear the sneaks. But that's about it.

Bonus: I'm definitely sick. Now I have a cough. I'm disgusting. Yay me.

(2 Points) Who is my favorite band/artist?: The Foo Fighters. User name should give that one away :P I have a LOT to say about the Foo Fighters. Way too much for one entry. Way too much for five entries! I'm going to do a series of voice posts all about how much I love the Foo Fighters! Just you wait!

(3 Points) Am I shy or outgoing?: Normally, I am not shy. Every so often, though, it sneaks up on me. I'm not afraid to talk to people I don't know. I'm not afraid to start random conversations - I like to talk to people I don't know and start random conversations. I don't have "stage fright" or whatever - I will sing at karaoke night no problem. But every so often I just don't feel like being around crowds of people. Its entirely a mood thing - sometimes I am just not in the mood.

(4 Points) What is my secret 'if I could do anything, money/reality no object' dream?: What do you think I would do if I could do anything?

( tough answer, but here it goes... )

Bonus: My job fucking sucks. Nobody likes a hostess.

(4 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do?: Talk.

What, you didn't know? Lol.

(2 Points) Do I smoke?: Every so often. Not enough to buy my own cigarettes, but I might take one if offered. Probably wouldn't come out and ask to bum one. Every month or so I buy a pack of clove cigarettes - I guess maybe they do count, don't they? But usually people who are "real" smokers don't care for cloves. I probably give away about five out of a pack, so... ok, that's maybe one every other day. It's partly a holdover from my gothy days, perhaps? One, I like them - I like how they taste. Two, I kind of enjoy the act of smoking, also. Gives me something to fiddle with, yah know? I've never felt any type of pull towards cigarettes - never felt like I needed one or even like I wanted one really bad. If I'm really hyped over something, a cigarette might possibly calm me down, but, honestly, I think that goes right back to having something to fiddle with, something to hold, something to do, focus on, you know, instead of whatever's got me freaking out in the first place. Also, something to put in my mouth so I shut up about it :P

I know smoking isn't good for you - but I'm not convinced it's all that bad in small doses.

(2 Points) Do I drink?: I do drink, and I drink often, but not a lot. Usually I have just one drink and just drink it really slowly if I'm out. If I'm at home or staying over at a friend's place, I might, might, just possibly, drink more, but I have to be in the right mood to do something like that, and usually I wake up the next morning hungover and telling myself not to do something like that ever again :P

(2 Points) If I drink, what do I order?: I will split the cost of a pitcher of beer with someone and then shake my head over the fact that they almost never notice that they drink most of it, lol. Usually I do order a beer - I like microbrews and imports, I DONT like Bud Light or Coors Light. If I have to choose a "light" I'll drink a Miller Light. I like Yuengling Lager, cause I still consider myself a Philly girl, or at least a Pennsylvanian, I like Sam Adams Summer Ale or Oktoberfest (we just changed over from one to the other at the restaurant I work in), I would drink a Heineken or a Molson, and I like Blue Moon, which seems to be getting popular around here these days. So that's what I might get at a bar. If I'm at a beer store picking out what I want I like to go for those multipacks where you get to try a bunch of different kinds, like Sam Adams makes a multipack that comes with Cherry Wheat, which is another one I like that bars pretty much never carry.

If, on the off chance, I do not feel like having a beer, I might have a vodka and cranberry, or perhaps a Cosmopolitan, but usually ordering something like that just makes me feel too girly, and for whatever reason it just weirds me out. I'd be more likely to drink a mixed drink at home than at a bar.

Right, so, if we ever go out for drinks, you'll know what to expect :P

Really, I would have liked to go to boarding school as a kid. I know someone who voluntarily went away to a preparatory boarding high school and really loved it. And of course I always harbored the delusion that there was something special about me - I thought I was psychic, I thought I was magic, I thought I could talk to aliens... after I read "Matilda" I was convinced I could move things with my brain, after I read "My Teacher Is An Alien" I was convinced I would one day leave the planet, after I read "A Wind In The Door" I was convinced I could kythe. Fortunately, by the time Harry Potter came along, I had grown out of those delusions, so I never checked and re-checked my mail for my acceptance letter from Hogwarts.

(1 Point) What is my hair color?: CUPCAKE PINK, GUYZ! It's been for about a week and a half now, and it's stayed pretty well. I like how it's layered - my hair was very nearly perfectly white, but my roots were brown - I bleached them, but only bleached them to a pale orange, so my hair is two-toned, bubblegum-icing pink and sorta like flamingo pink at the roots, I like it a lot. Bleaching my hair was getting to be too much of a pain in the ass, and it was also getting kinda stretchy and sticky - meaning it was soon to be goo rather than hair, due to too many bleach sessions.

I started dying my hair when I was sixteen. First I dyed it a deep red. After about a year of being a redhead I moved on to the rest of the rainbow - purple, black, blue, green, etc. It was another couple years before I got really intense with the bleaching. See, my shrink told my parents that they had to give me some freedom and let me make my own choices, so in the space of about a week I dyed my hair, got green contacts, and pierced a second hole in my ears. This was a "phase" - not my phase, my parents' phase. They got over it real quick. But they couldn't stop my hair dying. It's been a fun ride, although I don't really remember what my real hair color looks like. I know it's brown, but I'm not really sure what shade anymore. Dark brown, I guess, but red or blonde highlights? I really have no clue. Don't think I would recognize myself with brown hair.

(3 Points) Name my celeb-crush: I am in love with Leonard Cohen. He is a singer songwriter and he is way too old for me and I really don't care. People say that Tori Amos is the modern Leonard Cohen - oh please. He wrote her songs. Some of them, anyway. Many musicians have covered his songs beautifully. His songs mean so much to me - so much - I sometimes think in verses to his songs - creepy, eh, but it fits.

(1 Points) Do I have any children?:No, I don't have fucking children, what a disaster that would be! I can't have children. I can get pregnant, sure. I could, if pressed, give birth, although being pregnant would probably be extremely difficult. But I don't believe for a minute I could support or raise a child, not do I want to. It would not be right or fair.

I feel like I have a whole lot going on right now and I don't really feel like writing about it atm. But I did respond to this meme, and so now I must reciprocate -

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

mog_bane's questions for me:

1. What is your happiest memory?
2. Do you like to do any crafts?
3. Tell me more about your house? It sounds really neat.
4. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
5. What is your favorite meal?

( My answers )

And these are my questions for mog_bane, as I expressed my desire to ask them:

1. Your user name sounds vaguely witch-y to me. Am I totally off, or - what does your name actually mean?
2. Five was David Tenant's Doctor. Which Doctor is your Doctor, and is that Doctor also your first Doctor?
3. While we're on the subject of time travel - if you could go back or forward and cross your own timeline and the universe wouldn't implode, would you do it? I'm not talking about making a change in your personal history or anything, I'm thinking more along the lines of having a face to face conversation.
4. Do you collect anything?
5. How much formal education do you have? Do you have a degree in anything?

Blegh. LJ keeps logging me out - LJ, why are you insisting on being a pain in my ass?

Also, for the record - I really wish I could write erotic fan fiction. Cause I certainly read a lot of it :P

But for real, I kinda feel like I'm leeching off other people's creativity and dedication with all the fanfic I read. Oh well.

The Basics: Name: Lara Inside Age: 24, soon to hit that quarter century mark! Gender: I'm a GIRL! Location: The Jersey Shore - what a little bubble of a world! (New Jersey, USA) Occupation: Turd Orientation: Lesbian(ish) Ethnicity: Mexican/Dutch/Greek/Armenian (say that five times fast!) Nationality: Completely American! Education: Don't I wish - no diplomas whatsoever

Yeah, I don't look like my avatar, by the way. It's close, but... not that close. Don't think I'm trying to convince you all that I really do have anime hair! Although... I really do wear green boots. All the time :P

I am freaked out about turning twenty five. I am feeling quite, quite old and you know, I'm only getting older as I sit here and type this! I was born in 1984, just like the book, and I'm really too young to remember much of the '80s. I am a child of the '90s all the way, and it shows. I am a girl, and I am not confused or dissatisfied with my gender whatsoever. I have been mistaken for a guy on message boards and forums for my entire internet life, so let me make this clear from the beginning: I am female. If you met me in real life, you would not be guessing. I am not ambiguous. I look like a girl.

I am bad at romance. I had a serious girlfriend for two years, and, while we still talk occasionally without killing each other, it really didn't end well and I'm really not interested in finding someone else until I'm confident I can hold up my end of the relationship. I seem to be very bad at that. She said I was not dedicated enough - and judging by the fact that I moved an hour and a half away from her, well, I guess I wasn't. I guess my deciding to move here was me ending the relationship, but really, she broke up with me and it pretty much killed me. Love sucks.

I live at the shore. When my grandparents passed away they left me two of their shore properties. I never realized that they still owned them, and they were both in horrible disrepair - not even livable. I have been slowly fixing them up, with the idea that I can rent them out in the summer, to tourists, and make a living that way. Right now I am funding this completely on credit - it's more than a little bit scary. I don't like it here. I'm from a small town in Pennsylvania and I lived there for the first eighteen years of my life, and the best thing I ever did was move away from there. And here I am back in an even smaller town, where there's nothing to do, nowhere to work, and no public transportation.

I am the worst driver ever and have lost my license not once but twice. For now, though, it's not suspended, so I am on the roads again. If you're in South Jersey, watch out! I work in a restaurant; I am a hostess. I have the worst job ever. Nobody likes a hostess, not the guests who eat out, not the other restaurant employees, no one. For the holiday season, I started another part time job in retail. We'll see how that turns out.

I am really into sci-fi, especially Doctor Who. I am counting down the days until the Christmas special! I also enjoy Torchwood, although I've heard it's going to be a short season this year. The shows I watch that are current are Supernatural, Sarah Conner Chronicles, Heroes (although it's starting to suck...), and House MD (which was starting to suck but is getting better). I do not own a TV and I love telling people that because they freak out. Everything I watch I watch online. Believe me, I am not media deprived. I just to not own the actual box.

I enjoy making playlists for every occasion, sunny days, my front porch (only on sunny days or warm evenings), drinking beer, reading fan fiction, making espresso drinks, and experimental cooking. I collect door knobs, refrigerators, and carnival glass, and I've got a soft spot for anything 1950s, especially kitchen appliances. Don't anyone give me a toaster or I might have to start collecting those too (I have two.) I love art and was an art history major in college for a time, and everywhere I go artists seem to follow me. I think I was meant to be one of them. I guess I missed my calling. Oh well.