Lara I.

And I'm seriously considering doing it this year.

I used to consider myself quite the writer. Poetry, short stories, essays, novellas, extensive journalling - even papers for school, and then not to mention writing music and trying to make some artwork as well.

I have gotten so far away from that. For a long time I've felt like my creativity has been completely drained - just, gone. Sometimes I talk to people online who I know from my old writing sites, but we have nothing to talk about because... I'm not writing. I did write a couple chapters of fanfic, but I'm not convinced that counts as real creativity. That's more like playing in someone else's sandbox, isn't it? Fun, of course, but also easy, compared to original fiction.

I have probably been depressed my entire life. I've never really questioned that. Sometimes it's really bad and sometimes it's not that bad but it's always been there. I have, however, been vehemently opposed to taking anything for it for years and years and years, because I felt like my first attempt (which I was basically forced into - I was taking the stuff before I even knew I was taking it) killed off all my creative spark and messed with my brain and my emotions. I also felt like it messed with my physical stamina, my ability to concentrate (or care) and my balance. I've had some really shit headshrinkers in my life, whatever, moving on.

( I didn't mean to ramble on here, but it looks like I did. Under the cut is about depression. Outside the cut is about writing. You pick your poison. )

I never thought depression dampened my creative drive, though. I thought it just... I don't know, went away. I didn't use it, so... it was gone. But last night at work I was kind of working through some ideas in my head - even wrote a few out - and I think I might want to try it this year, just to get back into the swing of it all. I was getting really excited - I didn't wake up all that excited this morning, but I still remember being excited last night and I still have my notes and stuff, so I'll look them over again.

It might be a really huge ego boost to, you know, try something, and actually SUCCEED. Can I write 50,000 words in a month? I am considering attempting this. I really am. I'm sure I've done it before - I used to write all the time, didn't I?

Didn't I?

Was that me?