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Oct. 13th, 2009
Improvement Of Self: Parte Due
Oct. 13th, 2009 11:15 pm1. I can swim back and forth in the pool twice. Just twice, but I go like four or five times a week. Okay, okay, twice is pretty unimpressive. I can actually swim more than that, but, if I do, then I'll be exhausted for the rest of the day and then not go the next day. Probably not the day after, either. If I set my expectations low, I know I can meet them and don't feel like a total loser. I highly recommend swimming. It is the one form of exercise you cannot hurt yourself doing. Unless you're banging your foot on the edge of the pool or something... :P And, btw, I stopped diving - and lo and behold, the huge and growing bruise began to shrink. There is a such thing as diving while sitting down, but that is just no fun.
2. I'm a little more flexible.
3. My hair is black and purple. I love it this way, I think it's my favorite. And for being, you know, purple, it looks pretty natural and subdued, not like crazy or anything. My boyfriend likes it fine... I tried to remind him that he begged me not to do purple - he denies this.
4. I lost the weight I gained. Very Bad. You know... I get really irritated listening to thin people discussing how to lose weight and giving anyone and everyone advice on how to eat healthier when "healthier" just means less calories and less fat. Especially when I'm included in that advice - I'm like, excuse me? Are you implying that I, too, should be striving to be even thinner than I already am? It even goes so far as to feel like it's more like thin people = good/smart/healthy and fat people = bad/stupid/lazy. This is something that's always irritated me. Or maybe what is really irritating is the fact that anyone feels like it's okay to comment on the state of anyone else's body. Does the phrase "none of your damn business" ring any bells? Or maybe it really is the idea that thinner = better that really bothers me - I don't think anyone's ever said to me, "Lara, you're too thin, you should eat more." Yet they have no problem sitting around dragging everyone around them into discussions on how to make themselves eat less. And I am too thin. My doctor told me so. I weigh less than a hundred pounds. And I'm a grown up. That's too thin. So I've failed in my attempts to eat better.
5. I'm quitting smoking. Yeah, yeah, I know, that should have been first on my list of things I wanted to improve upon. I don't smoke that much - one or two a day, maybe three if I'm feeling particularly distraught over something. I don't get cranky or anything if I can't smoke - I just do it because I want to. I think for a while there I really needed to cling to some kind of vice - smoking's legal, at least, right? I think I'm long past that now - now it's just habit. And I know it's not a healthy one. My boyfriend says he's quit - he hasn't had one single cigarette since being in the hospital. If he ever had any kind of nicotine longing (and I'm not convinced he smoked often enough to really experience that either) that has long since passed - he was probably unconscious anyway - and now he says it grosses him out. Meaning if I go outside for a cigarette and then come back inside I'm grossing him out. Fine. I should quit anyway. I've been meaning to do that eventually, now's as good a time as ever, isn't it?
6. And as for the energy drinks - well. On the days I go swimming in the morning, I wake up, all the way up, and go about my day with sufficient energy. If I don't... the energy drink is necessary and the only thing that will pry me off my ass and get me to actually be productive. So that's kind of a compromise.
2. I'm a little more flexible.
3. My hair is black and purple. I love it this way, I think it's my favorite. And for being, you know, purple, it looks pretty natural and subdued, not like crazy or anything. My boyfriend likes it fine... I tried to remind him that he begged me not to do purple - he denies this.
4. I lost the weight I gained. Very Bad. You know... I get really irritated listening to thin people discussing how to lose weight and giving anyone and everyone advice on how to eat healthier when "healthier" just means less calories and less fat. Especially when I'm included in that advice - I'm like, excuse me? Are you implying that I, too, should be striving to be even thinner than I already am? It even goes so far as to feel like it's more like thin people = good/smart/healthy and fat people = bad/stupid/lazy. This is something that's always irritated me. Or maybe what is really irritating is the fact that anyone feels like it's okay to comment on the state of anyone else's body. Does the phrase "none of your damn business" ring any bells? Or maybe it really is the idea that thinner = better that really bothers me - I don't think anyone's ever said to me, "Lara, you're too thin, you should eat more." Yet they have no problem sitting around dragging everyone around them into discussions on how to make themselves eat less. And I am too thin. My doctor told me so. I weigh less than a hundred pounds. And I'm a grown up. That's too thin. So I've failed in my attempts to eat better.
5. I'm quitting smoking. Yeah, yeah, I know, that should have been first on my list of things I wanted to improve upon. I don't smoke that much - one or two a day, maybe three if I'm feeling particularly distraught over something. I don't get cranky or anything if I can't smoke - I just do it because I want to. I think for a while there I really needed to cling to some kind of vice - smoking's legal, at least, right? I think I'm long past that now - now it's just habit. And I know it's not a healthy one. My boyfriend says he's quit - he hasn't had one single cigarette since being in the hospital. If he ever had any kind of nicotine longing (and I'm not convinced he smoked often enough to really experience that either) that has long since passed - he was probably unconscious anyway - and now he says it grosses him out. Meaning if I go outside for a cigarette and then come back inside I'm grossing him out. Fine. I should quit anyway. I've been meaning to do that eventually, now's as good a time as ever, isn't it?
6. And as for the energy drinks - well. On the days I go swimming in the morning, I wake up, all the way up, and go about my day with sufficient energy. If I don't... the energy drink is necessary and the only thing that will pry me off my ass and get me to actually be productive. So that's kind of a compromise.