exhilaration | May. 12th, 2011

Sloth, sloth, sloth... sloth is a sin because it's wasteful. God gives us gifts and we ignore them. I remember my aunt talking to a young relative of mine, telling him solemnly (after praising his wonderful talents) that if he didn't use his gifts, God would take them away. I remember being astounded that she could find ANYTHING she thought it was even remotely appropriate to be negative about on his special day (it was a concert or something I think) and twice as astounded that anyone could believe that. There's nothing in the bible that says that if we don't use our gifts, God will take them away.

Even if we do use our gifts, they might get taken away. Even if we ignore them our entire lives, they might remain. Bad things don't happen to punish people. Sometimes people do bad things, and sometimes bad things happen. One is not necessarily a direct consequence of the other. Of course that's not a vey Christian mentality, that would be more like saying "God never gives us more than we can handle" or maybe a story about Job or etc. But it's MY mentality.

A sloth is someone who lazes around apathetically, ignoring all their potential and preferring not to extend the effort - it's seen as refusing to take joy in the life God has given us. I have never forgotten the quote from Anne of Green Gables, where Anne is sobbing about how she is in the depths of despair, and Marilla says "to despair is to turn your back on God!" As a sickness, I think Christians do recognize depression. But as an emotional state, well, I know there are many who see it as a sin. If you are feeling depressed, you have allowed yourself to feel that way, and it is wrong, because you are misusing the life God meant for joy.

I'm not a fighter. I don't fight to be the best at anything, or disprove anything, or be recognized for anything... and I don't fight myself. I can't. To believe that there is One Great Scorecard in the sky that's keeping track of all my deeds and intentions, right down to whether or not I'm fulfilling my full potential on this earth - I just can't operate that way. I have a hard enough time with a totally manufactured situation like SCHOOL where we're scored on all these things that, in the end, only tell us how well we've followed the system, not how much we actually know or what skills or abilities we're taking away. I can't even begin to describe that a clash that is with my natural way of approaching things - it's weird to liken Christianity with school, but, it's the end of my semester, and I'm feeling that great "ah, now I can relax!" feeling cause I know I don't constantly have the opportunity to fuck everything up, and it's very, very like the moment (or the gradual process) in which I realized that there might actually be LESS to all this God stuff than I had initially been taught.

Of all of the seven sins, Sloth is the most innocent and carries the least consequences (according to Dante, anyway) and on the one hand, I can see why it's a sin just as much as pride and wrath and lust and everything else - cause it hurts you. It hurts you inside not to care for yourself or your surroundings, just like pride can hurt you, just like wrath can hurt you, etc etc. But on the other hand, I have a hard time seeing it as a sin at all. Maybe I'm too much of a control freak. Maybe in my head, my word is LAW. If I don't want to do something, then I WONT, even if I SHOULD, even if it would be better. If a sloth is someone who lazes around... I laze around all the time, damnit, and I LOVE it, because I CAN. I LOVE not being bothered, not being told to get up and go do something, not having busy work shoved at me just so I can't just sit around and relax, not because anything particularly needs to be accomplished... I'm a lot of things, but the distinction here is that I don't love being angry. I don't love being disorganized. I don't love being mean, I don't love being antisocial, I don't love being vain, but MAN do I love being LAZY!

( Day 4 - Seven things I neglect to do )

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.