Shoulder Ows And Social Woes
May. 22nd, 2008 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationMy shoulder hurts.
My shoulder has been hurting ever since I last said it was hurting. I've just been trying to ignore it. It's not absolutely intolerable, it's more of a constant dull aching, but the thing is, I'm on pretty strong painkillers all the time. If I can feel it through that, well, obviously something is very wrong.
I did get an x-ray and an MRI like I was supposed to, but I don't know anything more than I did before. Cause the technicians don't read the stuff, you know, they just take them.
I was hostessing at work tonight and I was the first one in so I got out early - Bevan and I went for a beer cause neither of us has seen much of each other recently. I didn't go out at all last weekend because I was so tired, and I'm just as tired now, but I've been getting antsy for company and it was just for like an hour or so. And my shoulder hurt so bad the whole time I was sitting there it was making my fingers go all cold and tingly. I dropped my glass on the ground, it broke, everyone thought I was trashed, and Bevan brought me home.
He offered me percs, which of course I turned down. I had to tell him I'm already on painkillers and if I thought taking more would help I had my own. He asked if I wanted him to give me a shoulder rub and at first I said no, but then I said okay. It didn't help. It felt good, but it didn't help. It's not nerve pain. It's not joint pain either, it's not in the bendy part of my shoulder, it's in the muscle part in the back, and it's so insistent, but it's just the muscles, it SHOULDN'T HURT THIS MUCH!
Finally I just asked Bevan to leave me alone and let me be by myself and miserable, and now I am.
Blegh.
Erica called me this afternoon. I didn't think she actually would, but she did. She said her family is having a Memorial Day party that is also a graduation party for her, and that I should come. I... don't think I am going to go - I know, I know, I am the one who randomly walked up to Erica in the diner and started talking to her, and I do know all kinds of stuff about her, but I still don't know her well at all. I've seen her all of twice in my life, and... I won't know anyone at her party-picnic-whatever, and I just do not feel like going. I feel like everyone there is going to know her and is going to want to know who I am and how I know Erica and I'll just be like, oh I met her in the diner one night, and she'll probably be totally busy will all her guests and wont have time to actually talk to me.
But if I don't go... maybe she won't call me again.
I just... usually I don't get like this. I'm not... shy, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like it. I don't feel like talking to strangers and being nice and polite and social. I do it all day long and all night long at work. And I like to socialize. I like being around other people. I hate staying home. But sometimes... it sounds strange to say it this way, but I just get really sick of myself. I'd like to give being someone else a try, I guess. Of course, there's a long list of things I'd like, and I'm no more likely to get my way on that one than anything else, so I don't know why I even bother.
My shoulder has been hurting ever since I last said it was hurting. I've just been trying to ignore it. It's not absolutely intolerable, it's more of a constant dull aching, but the thing is, I'm on pretty strong painkillers all the time. If I can feel it through that, well, obviously something is very wrong.
I did get an x-ray and an MRI like I was supposed to, but I don't know anything more than I did before. Cause the technicians don't read the stuff, you know, they just take them.
I was hostessing at work tonight and I was the first one in so I got out early - Bevan and I went for a beer cause neither of us has seen much of each other recently. I didn't go out at all last weekend because I was so tired, and I'm just as tired now, but I've been getting antsy for company and it was just for like an hour or so. And my shoulder hurt so bad the whole time I was sitting there it was making my fingers go all cold and tingly. I dropped my glass on the ground, it broke, everyone thought I was trashed, and Bevan brought me home.
He offered me percs, which of course I turned down. I had to tell him I'm already on painkillers and if I thought taking more would help I had my own. He asked if I wanted him to give me a shoulder rub and at first I said no, but then I said okay. It didn't help. It felt good, but it didn't help. It's not nerve pain. It's not joint pain either, it's not in the bendy part of my shoulder, it's in the muscle part in the back, and it's so insistent, but it's just the muscles, it SHOULDN'T HURT THIS MUCH!
Finally I just asked Bevan to leave me alone and let me be by myself and miserable, and now I am.
Blegh.
Erica called me this afternoon. I didn't think she actually would, but she did. She said her family is having a Memorial Day party that is also a graduation party for her, and that I should come. I... don't think I am going to go - I know, I know, I am the one who randomly walked up to Erica in the diner and started talking to her, and I do know all kinds of stuff about her, but I still don't know her well at all. I've seen her all of twice in my life, and... I won't know anyone at her party-picnic-whatever, and I just do not feel like going. I feel like everyone there is going to know her and is going to want to know who I am and how I know Erica and I'll just be like, oh I met her in the diner one night, and she'll probably be totally busy will all her guests and wont have time to actually talk to me.
But if I don't go... maybe she won't call me again.
I just... usually I don't get like this. I'm not... shy, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like it. I don't feel like talking to strangers and being nice and polite and social. I do it all day long and all night long at work. And I like to socialize. I like being around other people. I hate staying home. But sometimes... it sounds strange to say it this way, but I just get really sick of myself. I'd like to give being someone else a try, I guess. Of course, there's a long list of things I'd like, and I'm no more likely to get my way on that one than anything else, so I don't know why I even bother.
