The Matter Of The Money
Dec. 27th, 2008 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationWell. I kind of shrugged it off at the time, but I've literally been losing sleep about this.
Fact: My dad gave me $400 in cash on Christmas and informed me he was putting me and my car on his insurance.
Fact: I want to send it back and tell him to screw himself.
Fact: I can't afford my own insurance and I sure could use the $400 to help me out until summer starts.
Emotional drivel: I don't hate my parents, but I'm extremely angry with them and have been for about as long as I can remember, and it's not over just one thing, although there have been big things - it's over a constant deluge of all things large and small. This "gift" of my dad's was not accompanied by any kind of apology, which, honestly, is all I really want, I swear. All I really want to hear is, Lara, I'm sorry, I was wrong. I appreciated my dad being impressed with what I've done with the houses. I appreciated my dad being impressed with everything I've been up to and I appreciated his willingness to help me out. I did not appreciate his refusal to help when I really needed it, and therefor I really want to just send it all back. Logically, I know that's a stupid thing to do - to return the money and refuse the insurance doesn't dig at him at all, not one bit, and it hurts me, because it's stuff I need. So really, in the end, the only one who suffers is me.
What is the right thing to do? What would make me the better person? Do I even care if I'm the better person if I get the last word?
My parents kicked me out when I was in a very, very bad place - I needed help. I eventually got it - from the City of Fucking Camden, and at an astronomical price, no less - and I swore I would never forgive them. I screamed and cried and shouted and cursed that I hated them and if they did that, if they really kicked me out, then that was IT. That was THE FUCKING END.
And for a while, it seemed like it was. I had no phone. No address. If they wanted to find me, well, too bad for them. I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral because I didn't want to see them or want them to see me. And eventually... well, now they could contact me if they wanted to. They know where I'm living, and besides, obviously they know I talk to my aunt since I spoke to my dad on the phone from her house. I don't know who's been telling who what and for how long, but, they could have contacted me if they wanted to. And they didn't, and I haven't either - until Christmas, and really, my dad wasn't there to see me. He was there to see his family, and probably talked to me before hand to kind of feel me out, make sure I wasn't going to cause a huge scene or something. And I didn't.
But between the huge communication gap and now, I didn't have the last word because I found out they declared me as their dependent on their taxes. Or at least, my mom did, and I am pretty sure they file together. This means I had to completely re-do my taxes, because my other choice was proving I wasn't their dependent, and that wasn't possible right at that time, for a number of very frustrating reasons. I owed a penalty, my return was all messed up, and I was FURIOUS.
I did like seeing my dad. He's my dad. I'm part him. Half, in fact. And I had no intentions of causing a scene - I wouldn't have, I was just happy to see him, I missed him - I miss both my parents, but at the same time... I feel like a crazy conspiracy theorist, but I've had whacked-out sounding suspicions before that turned out to be completely true, and I've got another one brewing involving my parents and some kind of scam and declaring me as a dependent is only the tail end of it... I haven't worked out the particulars. But it's possible. I don't know how likely, but it's completely possible.
I really have been losing sleep about this. I should have just said no from the very beginning. The whole thing just didn't feel right to me. I can still send it all back. But now that I have it, I want it...
Fact: My dad gave me $400 in cash on Christmas and informed me he was putting me and my car on his insurance.
Fact: I want to send it back and tell him to screw himself.
Fact: I can't afford my own insurance and I sure could use the $400 to help me out until summer starts.
Emotional drivel: I don't hate my parents, but I'm extremely angry with them and have been for about as long as I can remember, and it's not over just one thing, although there have been big things - it's over a constant deluge of all things large and small. This "gift" of my dad's was not accompanied by any kind of apology, which, honestly, is all I really want, I swear. All I really want to hear is, Lara, I'm sorry, I was wrong. I appreciated my dad being impressed with what I've done with the houses. I appreciated my dad being impressed with everything I've been up to and I appreciated his willingness to help me out. I did not appreciate his refusal to help when I really needed it, and therefor I really want to just send it all back. Logically, I know that's a stupid thing to do - to return the money and refuse the insurance doesn't dig at him at all, not one bit, and it hurts me, because it's stuff I need. So really, in the end, the only one who suffers is me.
What is the right thing to do? What would make me the better person? Do I even care if I'm the better person if I get the last word?
My parents kicked me out when I was in a very, very bad place - I needed help. I eventually got it - from the City of Fucking Camden, and at an astronomical price, no less - and I swore I would never forgive them. I screamed and cried and shouted and cursed that I hated them and if they did that, if they really kicked me out, then that was IT. That was THE FUCKING END.
And for a while, it seemed like it was. I had no phone. No address. If they wanted to find me, well, too bad for them. I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral because I didn't want to see them or want them to see me. And eventually... well, now they could contact me if they wanted to. They know where I'm living, and besides, obviously they know I talk to my aunt since I spoke to my dad on the phone from her house. I don't know who's been telling who what and for how long, but, they could have contacted me if they wanted to. And they didn't, and I haven't either - until Christmas, and really, my dad wasn't there to see me. He was there to see his family, and probably talked to me before hand to kind of feel me out, make sure I wasn't going to cause a huge scene or something. And I didn't.
But between the huge communication gap and now, I didn't have the last word because I found out they declared me as their dependent on their taxes. Or at least, my mom did, and I am pretty sure they file together. This means I had to completely re-do my taxes, because my other choice was proving I wasn't their dependent, and that wasn't possible right at that time, for a number of very frustrating reasons. I owed a penalty, my return was all messed up, and I was FURIOUS.
I did like seeing my dad. He's my dad. I'm part him. Half, in fact. And I had no intentions of causing a scene - I wouldn't have, I was just happy to see him, I missed him - I miss both my parents, but at the same time... I feel like a crazy conspiracy theorist, but I've had whacked-out sounding suspicions before that turned out to be completely true, and I've got another one brewing involving my parents and some kind of scam and declaring me as a dependent is only the tail end of it... I haven't worked out the particulars. But it's possible. I don't know how likely, but it's completely possible.
I really have been losing sleep about this. I should have just said no from the very beginning. The whole thing just didn't feel right to me. I can still send it all back. But now that I have it, I want it...
