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[personal profile] exhilaration
Ok well B isn't really my enemy, but it sounded like it would make a good title.

B came to the coffee shop this morning. He does that sometimes - I live on the island, he lives on the mainland, but he surfs, and so sometimes he's in town and stops at the shop. He asked me if I wanted to come over this afternoon and play Rock Band with him and some other people from the restaurant because he said he heard that I sing.

So I said ok. And so - we played Rock Band, this game where you play pretend musical instruments and stuff. i gave the drums a try too. For some reason I kept missing the green drum, though, but it was still fun. I had a good time, it was nice to just chill out with people for an afternoon, as opposed to chilling out at a bar watching everyone around me get drunk. We played for like four hours or something, and then some people had to go to work, and B and I talked a little. No, not about how we randomly had sex the other night. Seriously, the next morning, B flat out told me he barely remembered what we did, he was that drunk, and was like, "I hope I wasn't a total ass. I hope you aren't mad at me for anything."

And I was like, "no, I'm not mad, it was good, it's been a while for me."

And at that point he was like, "Damnit, so we did hook up." LONG PAUSE. "Do you want to take a shower before I drop you off at work?"

And that's the extent of any discussion we had after the fact. No, he talked about how he hated living here. Well, I'm not fond of it either. I feel like I can't really complain, I mean, I literally had no where to go and not a cent to my name when I got this house, and I was like, jackpot, yo! A house! That means I've got at least somewhere to live! I don't care where, whatever, it's not a motel and it's not someone else's place, that's good enough for me!

Winter always depresses me, but winter around here is just... awful. There's nothing here. There's no one here. The people who are here have all lived here their entire lives and all know one another's life story and stuff. It's like... home, only ten times more smalltownish, and ten times worse in all ways. Yeah, I really don't like it here. I don't understand why more people don't make it their life's goal to freakin leave.

B said he went to college for a semester and a half at Rutgers Camden. Huh. I never knew that about him. But, here he is, living in his dad's basement, and he's about the same age I am. Well, what can I say to that, though? I went to college for a while too.

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this. But I feel a little better about the whole situation. Actually, I feel a whole lot better. I feel like this whole afternoon proved somehow that B is actually my friend of sorts, even if he's not like omg my bestest friend ever, and that he thinks of me as a friend - because otherwise why invite me over, and why sit around at talk to me after? - as opposed to his new fuckbuddy or something.

The thing that kinda bothers me about myself though is that I don't think I would have turned down the fuckbuddy status if that was my only option.

I wonder if he realizes this? I wonder if B has any idea at all just how fucking lonely I am, and just how much I'd do for a little company? If he does, well, then I guess he gets a gold medal or something for being such a gosh darned nice guy. Either that or he finds me utterly repulsive in that area, and that is why he's acting like nothing happened.

That Rock Band game is kind of addictive, watching the dots on the screen and stuff, btw. I highly recommend it.
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Lara I.

October 2012

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