![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationAnd Make You Keep Reading To Find Out What Kind Of 'Stuff' It Is
Stuff about my boyfriend
Yesterday I went with my boyfriend to his doctor (I drove) and he finally got all the wires and rubber bands and stuff out of his mouth. He has one more appointment with that doctor in a few weeks, and then not another one for six more months. So that one... he had to schedule around us being in China! Because in six months... that's where we will be. Supposedly. I'm having trouble believing it, but that's what the plan is.
And in the parking lot of the doctor's office - he kissed me! Like, a real kiss, like, a kiss, and I was like oh!my.
And he was like, what's with the goofy cheese face?
And I was like 0.o you kissed me!
And he was like, of course I kissed you, what do you think I've been waiting to do for the last two months?
And I was like ...oh!
Romance hasn't exactly been in the air with us lately. Not at all. In fact, a little while ago, we had absolutely the worst sex I've ever experienced. I will not go into details. Allow me to just say it sucked. And we argue. And we fight. And we do stupid things like sit around doing absolutely nothing together.
Of course, with everything that's been going on - no, of course I haven't felt very romantic or anything even remotely close to it. To be honest... it kind of feels like we've been each other's fill-in best friends, or something. You know, not actual best friends. Just acting like it cause there is no one else.
I don't know. I don't think it's just me who's felt this way, but maybe it is.
I sure wasn't expecting him to kiss me like that.
But when he did... it was like, oh, that's right, this is what we do! And I remembered all those other kisses, like from way back when he still had a girlfriend and yet somehow we couldn't seem to not keep hooking up like that and I kept trying to tell myself it didn't mean anything and it was all just for fun -
Well. I guess when you're in a relationship that began because... you can't seem to keep out of each other's pants... maybe you really run into trouble when sex becomes, you know, the furthest thing from either of your minds. It kind of has been from mine - the first night I was back from home he slept over with me, and we just laid in my bed together with his arms around me. I was just so drained - emotionally, and feeling physically absolutely like a piece of shit. Of course sex didn't even enter my mind.
And even before that - all we've really been doing has been... well, hanging on each other, I guess. Laying on each other, leaning on each other, curling up together - nice, yes. Very. Especially for me - I hate being touched. So it's really... nice, and peaceful, to be so close to someone and actually like it and be comforted that way. I love it, really. But it's not exactly sexy.
But last night we had some sex that most decidedly did not suck and dare I say - all is well with the world? L&B are back in their groove? Maybe? Kind of?
Last night we also went out and had a whole lot of fun. We went to the restaurant - you know, the one we both don't actually work at right now but it's still 'work' - and sat at the bar - JJ and Bobby were bartending, and they're a fun crew - and my boyfriend got to have his cheeseburger. He's kept saying it was going to be the first thing he ate, and I kept saying he wasn't going to be able to open his mouth far enough right away, and I was right - but he just cut it up into pieces. Still a cheeseburger, he said. Although it was kinda funny to watch :P
JJ made me this green drink she called a "scooby snack," and let me tell you, a scooby snack, to me, is a kind of pill. This sounds like Philly slang to me - you get scooby snacks on the corner. But this drink was ok, strange, and very sweet, and it was a bit stronger than I thought it would be. I guess it was more of a martini than a mixed drink. If I was smart, I'd know that after I have one drink, I should stand up, just to try to determine how intoxicated I may or may not be. Cause sitting on the barstool I never feel drunk. Had I have done that I should have known that I really didn't want that other drink that I don't even remember what it was called. It was green too, maybe something like a midori bay breeze? I didn't finish it - actually, JJ finished it, even though she was, you know, working. Very professional of her, right?
So we hung around work for quite a bit longer than originally planned, cause, um, I had to drive us, but it was really okay. It was good to see everyone, and it was really good to see my boyfriend actually socialize a little bit. I know he's shy, but it sucks to watch people try to engage him in conversation and see him not really even respond, because he doesn't want to talk.
After that we went to another bar with a whole bunch of people from work (where I had nothing to drink, lol) and continued to have a lot of fun. It was a good time.
Next weekend is my cousin Marla's wedding, and then the very next week is when he's having surgery on his eye. His eyes look good - totally in line with each other. I told him what he looked like before that first surgery and he said he's glad he never saw himself looking like that, with his eye like a whole inch lower than the other one and the whole socket collapsed. It was... really, really bad. He did see himself with both his eyes practically swollen shut, which looked pretty bad in itself, but he says he doesn't remember that.
I said before he's kinda cross-eyed. The surgery is on his eye muscles. So his eyes will move together again. It's pretty disturbing to think how narrowly he missed actually damaging his eyeball, not just his eye area. He's got scars around his eye - he says they look badass, I say they're gonna go away and look like hardly anything was ever there. But they're from glass. He's got some on his forehead, too.
So, here's me crossing my fingers: after the surgery on his eye, his vision, which as of now has got to be totally fucked up, will be normal again. Not blurry, no double images, totally normal. And then it will become clear that his sudden dizziness, his sensitivity to light, and awful headaches are not symptoms of some kind of neurological issue, but simply having to do with not being able to focus his eyes together.
The visit with his doctor yesterday did not actually go that well, even though he left with no wires or rubberbands on his teeth. His jaw healed fine - everything's okay there, bone is fine, but his teeth are totally out of whack. I have a feeling that this is just what happens when you break your jaw - it happened to me too. Actually, I got some of my teeth knocked right out, and, then, some if them fell out later on, and let me tell you, that was pretty disturbing at the time. I was very upset and my teeth were pretty funny-looking for a while. They're all fixed now - you can't tell which are mine and which aren't, but it took so long to get everything back to "normal" that I figure they'd fucking better look as good as they do.
And see, there I go making everything about me. This has nothing to do with me. It's not even the same thing, because when I broke my jaw I was still growing, and that makes a huge difference all around. But, pretty much, what happened to him was that because the bones in his jaw moved, his teeth moved too - so you can actually see where the break was, because his teeth go out of line there. And so, because of this, they don't meet up anymore. They didn't meet correctly before, either, which I'm sure is making it difficult to try to get them back in the right position now. Because they weren't "right" to begin with. I said before his front teeth don't meet - this made it easier for him to eat stuff without being able to open his mouth. But of course this isn't the way it's supposed to be - your teeth should meet all the way around - mine do.
So, I also said before that I know when you break the bones in your face it can take a long time for the swelling to completely go away, and this is definitely true. His doctor said just to wait, and that maybe as the swelling continues to go down (like, over the course of several months) his jaw will "settle" into a better position, and his teeth will start to come together like they're supposed to again. So, hopefully - that is what will happen. Realistically? It's not all that likely. We'll see.
Stuff about school (yes really)
I paid my own school to send my transcript to itself. Can you believe the absurdity of that? Especially since I paid before to have my own copy of my own transcript - you 'd think I could just hand them that, right? But no, apparently, it does not work that way at all.
I had to do that to re-enroll.
Which means, you see, that I re-enrolled.
Yes, I really did.
Can you believe the absurdity of that?
I just said I wasn't going to do this, didn't I? I said, what would be the point, if I don't know what I want to do or what kind of degree I'm even trying to get?
It's... an experiment. I'm taking one class - I'm taking the second part of the advanced Spanish class. Apparently, I took the first part already, although I don't really remember doing that. Hopefully, I'm not terribly behind. It should be okay - it's Spanish, and I'm Mexican, so, I should be good, right? And I'm good at languages. So, I should be able to catch up if I really am that behind. I'm assuming the reason I don't remember taking the first part was because it was easy, though. I mean, I got a decent grade in it, anyway.
So - we'll see. We'll see what I do. Do I go to class? Do I actually do the work? I'd be pretty pathetic if I can't handle taking one class. I don't even have a job! If I fail at this... I fail at life, seriously. If/when I do finish the class, I will have a Spanish language certificate. Which I suppose might be useful somehow, although really, I have a Mexican last name, so generally I don't have to produce a piece of paper to prove I really do speak Spanish. Usually people just assume. And having this certificate is kind of part of a bigger, crazier plan - that I'm not going to go in to quite yet.
I'll have to take the final early. I assume getting permission to do this won't be impossible. Because by the end of finals, I'll be in China (supposedly). It's just one class - it's not as if I'm banking on five different professors making special arrangements for me. It's just one. It should be fine.
And... I'm auditing the Chinese Elements class. Like I said I kind of wanted to do. I took that class already, so it's not like retaking it. It's just like sitting in on it. Meaning even if I don't show up - it's not going to hurt me. It's kind of a waste to get permission to audit a class and pay the fee and everything and then not go to it. But it's not like I can fail it or anything.
Some geniuses out there can learn another language just from studying it themselves. I am not one of those people. I need to do more than just look at it and listen to it. I need to have actual conversations. I need to be able to translate on the spot and I have no idea how you can teach yourself to do that. That's why I'm auditing the class. If, if, if we're really and truly going to China - I want to be able to understand as much around me as I possibly can. Even if it's just going to be a little bit, it's better than nothing at all. Chinese is hard. That doesn't mean it's impossible, it just means it's impossible for me to teach it to myself.
And so... yes, this means I'm going to be commuting to Philly. Probably on the speedline, I think. For just two classes... that's do-able. And it's two classes for another reason, too. That's also part of the experiment. I have no intentions of plunging into a full semester of school only to find out holy shit, I cannot handle this campus! I'm scoping it out. Slowly. Am I in shape enough to walk eight city blocks between classes and then actually sit through that class and pay attention to it? I really have no idea. I sure hope so. I'd hate to find out it was impossible, though.
And so also... this means that by this time next fall, should everything be going according to plan, I will be a full-time student again, and I will not be living here at the shore. I will be living there in Philly.
So, there you have it. Crazy.
The good kind of crazy, I think.
Stuff about my boyfriend
Yesterday I went with my boyfriend to his doctor (I drove) and he finally got all the wires and rubber bands and stuff out of his mouth. He has one more appointment with that doctor in a few weeks, and then not another one for six more months. So that one... he had to schedule around us being in China! Because in six months... that's where we will be. Supposedly. I'm having trouble believing it, but that's what the plan is.
And in the parking lot of the doctor's office - he kissed me! Like, a real kiss, like, a kiss, and I was like oh!my.
And he was like, what's with the goofy cheese face?
And I was like 0.o you kissed me!
And he was like, of course I kissed you, what do you think I've been waiting to do for the last two months?
And I was like ...oh!
Romance hasn't exactly been in the air with us lately. Not at all. In fact, a little while ago, we had absolutely the worst sex I've ever experienced. I will not go into details. Allow me to just say it sucked. And we argue. And we fight. And we do stupid things like sit around doing absolutely nothing together.
Of course, with everything that's been going on - no, of course I haven't felt very romantic or anything even remotely close to it. To be honest... it kind of feels like we've been each other's fill-in best friends, or something. You know, not actual best friends. Just acting like it cause there is no one else.
I don't know. I don't think it's just me who's felt this way, but maybe it is.
I sure wasn't expecting him to kiss me like that.
But when he did... it was like, oh, that's right, this is what we do! And I remembered all those other kisses, like from way back when he still had a girlfriend and yet somehow we couldn't seem to not keep hooking up like that and I kept trying to tell myself it didn't mean anything and it was all just for fun -
Well. I guess when you're in a relationship that began because... you can't seem to keep out of each other's pants... maybe you really run into trouble when sex becomes, you know, the furthest thing from either of your minds. It kind of has been from mine - the first night I was back from home he slept over with me, and we just laid in my bed together with his arms around me. I was just so drained - emotionally, and feeling physically absolutely like a piece of shit. Of course sex didn't even enter my mind.
And even before that - all we've really been doing has been... well, hanging on each other, I guess. Laying on each other, leaning on each other, curling up together - nice, yes. Very. Especially for me - I hate being touched. So it's really... nice, and peaceful, to be so close to someone and actually like it and be comforted that way. I love it, really. But it's not exactly sexy.
But last night we had some sex that most decidedly did not suck and dare I say - all is well with the world? L&B are back in their groove? Maybe? Kind of?
Last night we also went out and had a whole lot of fun. We went to the restaurant - you know, the one we both don't actually work at right now but it's still 'work' - and sat at the bar - JJ and Bobby were bartending, and they're a fun crew - and my boyfriend got to have his cheeseburger. He's kept saying it was going to be the first thing he ate, and I kept saying he wasn't going to be able to open his mouth far enough right away, and I was right - but he just cut it up into pieces. Still a cheeseburger, he said. Although it was kinda funny to watch :P
JJ made me this green drink she called a "scooby snack," and let me tell you, a scooby snack, to me, is a kind of pill. This sounds like Philly slang to me - you get scooby snacks on the corner. But this drink was ok, strange, and very sweet, and it was a bit stronger than I thought it would be. I guess it was more of a martini than a mixed drink. If I was smart, I'd know that after I have one drink, I should stand up, just to try to determine how intoxicated I may or may not be. Cause sitting on the barstool I never feel drunk. Had I have done that I should have known that I really didn't want that other drink that I don't even remember what it was called. It was green too, maybe something like a midori bay breeze? I didn't finish it - actually, JJ finished it, even though she was, you know, working. Very professional of her, right?
So we hung around work for quite a bit longer than originally planned, cause, um, I had to drive us, but it was really okay. It was good to see everyone, and it was really good to see my boyfriend actually socialize a little bit. I know he's shy, but it sucks to watch people try to engage him in conversation and see him not really even respond, because he doesn't want to talk.
After that we went to another bar with a whole bunch of people from work (where I had nothing to drink, lol) and continued to have a lot of fun. It was a good time.
Next weekend is my cousin Marla's wedding, and then the very next week is when he's having surgery on his eye. His eyes look good - totally in line with each other. I told him what he looked like before that first surgery and he said he's glad he never saw himself looking like that, with his eye like a whole inch lower than the other one and the whole socket collapsed. It was... really, really bad. He did see himself with both his eyes practically swollen shut, which looked pretty bad in itself, but he says he doesn't remember that.
I said before he's kinda cross-eyed. The surgery is on his eye muscles. So his eyes will move together again. It's pretty disturbing to think how narrowly he missed actually damaging his eyeball, not just his eye area. He's got scars around his eye - he says they look badass, I say they're gonna go away and look like hardly anything was ever there. But they're from glass. He's got some on his forehead, too.
So, here's me crossing my fingers: after the surgery on his eye, his vision, which as of now has got to be totally fucked up, will be normal again. Not blurry, no double images, totally normal. And then it will become clear that his sudden dizziness, his sensitivity to light, and awful headaches are not symptoms of some kind of neurological issue, but simply having to do with not being able to focus his eyes together.
The visit with his doctor yesterday did not actually go that well, even though he left with no wires or rubberbands on his teeth. His jaw healed fine - everything's okay there, bone is fine, but his teeth are totally out of whack. I have a feeling that this is just what happens when you break your jaw - it happened to me too. Actually, I got some of my teeth knocked right out, and, then, some if them fell out later on, and let me tell you, that was pretty disturbing at the time. I was very upset and my teeth were pretty funny-looking for a while. They're all fixed now - you can't tell which are mine and which aren't, but it took so long to get everything back to "normal" that I figure they'd fucking better look as good as they do.
And see, there I go making everything about me. This has nothing to do with me. It's not even the same thing, because when I broke my jaw I was still growing, and that makes a huge difference all around. But, pretty much, what happened to him was that because the bones in his jaw moved, his teeth moved too - so you can actually see where the break was, because his teeth go out of line there. And so, because of this, they don't meet up anymore. They didn't meet correctly before, either, which I'm sure is making it difficult to try to get them back in the right position now. Because they weren't "right" to begin with. I said before his front teeth don't meet - this made it easier for him to eat stuff without being able to open his mouth. But of course this isn't the way it's supposed to be - your teeth should meet all the way around - mine do.
So, I also said before that I know when you break the bones in your face it can take a long time for the swelling to completely go away, and this is definitely true. His doctor said just to wait, and that maybe as the swelling continues to go down (like, over the course of several months) his jaw will "settle" into a better position, and his teeth will start to come together like they're supposed to again. So, hopefully - that is what will happen. Realistically? It's not all that likely. We'll see.
Stuff about school (yes really)
I paid my own school to send my transcript to itself. Can you believe the absurdity of that? Especially since I paid before to have my own copy of my own transcript - you 'd think I could just hand them that, right? But no, apparently, it does not work that way at all.
I had to do that to re-enroll.
Which means, you see, that I re-enrolled.
Yes, I really did.
Can you believe the absurdity of that?
I just said I wasn't going to do this, didn't I? I said, what would be the point, if I don't know what I want to do or what kind of degree I'm even trying to get?
It's... an experiment. I'm taking one class - I'm taking the second part of the advanced Spanish class. Apparently, I took the first part already, although I don't really remember doing that. Hopefully, I'm not terribly behind. It should be okay - it's Spanish, and I'm Mexican, so, I should be good, right? And I'm good at languages. So, I should be able to catch up if I really am that behind. I'm assuming the reason I don't remember taking the first part was because it was easy, though. I mean, I got a decent grade in it, anyway.
So - we'll see. We'll see what I do. Do I go to class? Do I actually do the work? I'd be pretty pathetic if I can't handle taking one class. I don't even have a job! If I fail at this... I fail at life, seriously. If/when I do finish the class, I will have a Spanish language certificate. Which I suppose might be useful somehow, although really, I have a Mexican last name, so generally I don't have to produce a piece of paper to prove I really do speak Spanish. Usually people just assume. And having this certificate is kind of part of a bigger, crazier plan - that I'm not going to go in to quite yet.
I'll have to take the final early. I assume getting permission to do this won't be impossible. Because by the end of finals, I'll be in China (supposedly). It's just one class - it's not as if I'm banking on five different professors making special arrangements for me. It's just one. It should be fine.
And... I'm auditing the Chinese Elements class. Like I said I kind of wanted to do. I took that class already, so it's not like retaking it. It's just like sitting in on it. Meaning even if I don't show up - it's not going to hurt me. It's kind of a waste to get permission to audit a class and pay the fee and everything and then not go to it. But it's not like I can fail it or anything.
Some geniuses out there can learn another language just from studying it themselves. I am not one of those people. I need to do more than just look at it and listen to it. I need to have actual conversations. I need to be able to translate on the spot and I have no idea how you can teach yourself to do that. That's why I'm auditing the class. If, if, if we're really and truly going to China - I want to be able to understand as much around me as I possibly can. Even if it's just going to be a little bit, it's better than nothing at all. Chinese is hard. That doesn't mean it's impossible, it just means it's impossible for me to teach it to myself.
And so... yes, this means I'm going to be commuting to Philly. Probably on the speedline, I think. For just two classes... that's do-able. And it's two classes for another reason, too. That's also part of the experiment. I have no intentions of plunging into a full semester of school only to find out holy shit, I cannot handle this campus! I'm scoping it out. Slowly. Am I in shape enough to walk eight city blocks between classes and then actually sit through that class and pay attention to it? I really have no idea. I sure hope so. I'd hate to find out it was impossible, though.
And so also... this means that by this time next fall, should everything be going according to plan, I will be a full-time student again, and I will not be living here at the shore. I will be living there in Philly.
So, there you have it. Crazy.
The good kind of crazy, I think.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 10:49 pm (UTC)Ok, sorry, I get really excited about other people going back to school. It's like "score one for the non-traditional students!"
Not to be nosy or anything (don't you hate it when I say that?), but if you and B are all "bow-chicka-wow" then...what about Hanna? Is it over, like over-over? And ok, so moving to Philly (awesome!) is a year away, but it's not like you won't see her ever.
Anyway, back to the woohoo-ing: WOOHOO!
no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 11:15 pm (UTC)I am really excited - it sounds silly, but I am even excited just to be going somewhere and doing something where I get to wear something other than my pyjamas or a uniform, and that involves interacting with people outside of a work situation or a bar situation...
Yeah, about me and Hanna - I was actually going to reply to your other comment but then it kind of got away from me... it's been kind of a while since I've had any kind of contact with her. I was going to say before that as enthralled as I am by her... I mean, I also kind of have the feeling that I'm not everything she wants me to be -that she's kind of projecting what she wants in a girl, you know, onto me. Cause god knows I'm probably doing that to her. We barely know each other outside of the few times we've been out together. It could so easily turn out that we're not what each other thought we would be - there was one time when we were supposed to go out, and I cancelled, because I was in that bad of a mood. And I think that kind of wrecked it. She never called me after that, and I called her once and we kind of had a quick get-together and that was it. I... will not chase a girl. I will not do it. I won't keep calling her, keep trying to get together with her - I've done enough of that. I'm not going to try to talk her into anything, or try to charm her into anything - it might work, about halfway. I want it to work all the way. After that one time, it just kind of... stopped falling into place like it had been. And she sure as hell isn't chasing me. I wish she was. If she were, it would be totally different. She could call me. She could try to plan things with me. She isn't. And so I'm not going there. It's not worth it. I dunno if I believe in "meant to be" but if it was... our paths will cross again I'm sure, at some point. Just not right now.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-21 06:31 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're seeing things so clearly.
Take care!
no subject
Date: 2009-11-21 04:10 am (UTC)School sounds like a good time. You'll enjoy yourself.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-21 06:32 pm (UTC):)
no subject
Date: 2009-11-21 08:41 pm (UTC)