Counting Down
May. 24th, 2011 01:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationSo... Surgery is tomorrow morning.
I had this wonderful relaxing weekend... Actually, I've been having a fun time of things since school ended in general... I have been playing with my new phone (using it right now in fact) and doing stuff in the house like staring with satisfaction at out BEAUTIFUL paint job. Let me tell you, paint makes such a difference. Even when we just had the trim painted that nice bright white, just that in itself made a world of difference. And yes, my kitchen is really red :) the color is a little less of a burnt color than i wanted, but it looks very good in the space.
I've been to the movies - Bevan and I haven't seen a movie together in ages. We saw Iron Man (subtitled) in China, and a movie in Korea called "The Murderer" that was in Korean - and for the record, no, I don't know any Korean beyond a few useful words and phrases. And Bevan knows a few words as well - like maybe five. Hi, thanks, please, and big dick. So no, we did not understand the movie. Fortunately it was a very action-packed and fun to watch film, but whatever the plot was supposed to be we had no idea. So, anyway, we went to see "Fast Five" which was also action packed with a minimally significant plot :)
We spent Friday and Saturday in New Hope, a resort town north east of Philadelphia. We rented a car to drive there, and as an added bonus of having he car, went and ran a whole bunch of errands while we had it. In general it's been pretty rainy recently, but Saturday it was really pretty out. We stayed in a really cute and quaint bed and breakfast that was totally inaccessible, which was fine because since we had the car, we brought my chair along too. We didn't really do anything special while we were there, just went in the little shops and saw some live music and stuff. It was just nice and cute and relaxing.
And tomorrow morning I am having surgery. If I haven't already said so, I am very drug dependent, and this makes a complicated situation even more complicated. I can't leave the hospital until the pain from the surgery is under control, which could be difficult since I'm already on the maximum dose of painkillers as it is. So, I'm a little scared that nothing will work, even though I know that if that's true, if I really can't get any relief from medications, even ones I can only get in a hospital, well, then I can get a nerve block, and then I won't be able to feel anything anyway.
So, I dunno, depending, I might be in the hospital for a little while before I can come home.
There's also, if I didn't mention it before, the fact that I will be AWAKE during the surgery. Because, like I said, I'm very dependent on narcotics, which depress my breathing. Anesthesia does the same thing, so I can't be under anesthesia unless the painkillers are out of my system, or I could stop breathing. So the only way to do it is to be awake. I'll be sedated and I'm told that even though I'll technically be conscious, I won't remember anything. Um, I'm still nervous about this though. I have woken up during surgery before, and I do remember it. I don't remember it as a traumatic experience or anything, really just that it happened. But if that's what happens when I'm supposed to be out cold, what happens when I'm supposed to be awake and conscious?
I dunno. I don't know what else to write here. I don't feel like talking about other surgery experiences I've had. I can really do without that. So I guess that's all I have to say for now.
Sorry. This journal is about to become very boring for a while.
It's done a lot for me, keeping this journal. It's been an unexpected phenomenon where I think about writing in it so much that I often don't want to do things I'd be ashamed to write about. Like having a conscience or something. I've gotten a lot out of it.
The fact that I've actually made friends this way has been another unexpected bonus.
Thanks for that, and catch y'all on the flip side, 'kay?
I had this wonderful relaxing weekend... Actually, I've been having a fun time of things since school ended in general... I have been playing with my new phone (using it right now in fact) and doing stuff in the house like staring with satisfaction at out BEAUTIFUL paint job. Let me tell you, paint makes such a difference. Even when we just had the trim painted that nice bright white, just that in itself made a world of difference. And yes, my kitchen is really red :) the color is a little less of a burnt color than i wanted, but it looks very good in the space.
I've been to the movies - Bevan and I haven't seen a movie together in ages. We saw Iron Man (subtitled) in China, and a movie in Korea called "The Murderer" that was in Korean - and for the record, no, I don't know any Korean beyond a few useful words and phrases. And Bevan knows a few words as well - like maybe five. Hi, thanks, please, and big dick. So no, we did not understand the movie. Fortunately it was a very action-packed and fun to watch film, but whatever the plot was supposed to be we had no idea. So, anyway, we went to see "Fast Five" which was also action packed with a minimally significant plot :)
We spent Friday and Saturday in New Hope, a resort town north east of Philadelphia. We rented a car to drive there, and as an added bonus of having he car, went and ran a whole bunch of errands while we had it. In general it's been pretty rainy recently, but Saturday it was really pretty out. We stayed in a really cute and quaint bed and breakfast that was totally inaccessible, which was fine because since we had the car, we brought my chair along too. We didn't really do anything special while we were there, just went in the little shops and saw some live music and stuff. It was just nice and cute and relaxing.
And tomorrow morning I am having surgery. If I haven't already said so, I am very drug dependent, and this makes a complicated situation even more complicated. I can't leave the hospital until the pain from the surgery is under control, which could be difficult since I'm already on the maximum dose of painkillers as it is. So, I'm a little scared that nothing will work, even though I know that if that's true, if I really can't get any relief from medications, even ones I can only get in a hospital, well, then I can get a nerve block, and then I won't be able to feel anything anyway.
So, I dunno, depending, I might be in the hospital for a little while before I can come home.
There's also, if I didn't mention it before, the fact that I will be AWAKE during the surgery. Because, like I said, I'm very dependent on narcotics, which depress my breathing. Anesthesia does the same thing, so I can't be under anesthesia unless the painkillers are out of my system, or I could stop breathing. So the only way to do it is to be awake. I'll be sedated and I'm told that even though I'll technically be conscious, I won't remember anything. Um, I'm still nervous about this though. I have woken up during surgery before, and I do remember it. I don't remember it as a traumatic experience or anything, really just that it happened. But if that's what happens when I'm supposed to be out cold, what happens when I'm supposed to be awake and conscious?
I dunno. I don't know what else to write here. I don't feel like talking about other surgery experiences I've had. I can really do without that. So I guess that's all I have to say for now.
Sorry. This journal is about to become very boring for a while.
It's done a lot for me, keeping this journal. It's been an unexpected phenomenon where I think about writing in it so much that I often don't want to do things I'd be ashamed to write about. Like having a conscience or something. I've gotten a lot out of it.
The fact that I've actually made friends this way has been another unexpected bonus.
Thanks for that, and catch y'all on the flip side, 'kay?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 05:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 08:31 am (UTC)Yeah totally, I call that the LJ peer pressure.
Yup, agreed, very much so :)
Can't wait to hear what it was like being awake for the surgery! :)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 10:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 10:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 03:31 pm (UTC)Good luck, you can do this.
Lol, conscience :)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-25 06:23 am (UTC)