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Youtube Tour: Day #4
Jul. 27th, 2011 12:09 amOn August 25, 2010 I said that X Japan's Jade makes me sad.
...In August 2010 I had been back from Asia for about a month.
I don't know why it felt like such a shock to be back. It's not like I ever thought I could have stayed there. It's not like anything we did there was like... the start of a new and different life for us or anything, I mean, it was a trip, not a relocation. Of course we weren't going to stay.
I mean, except for Bevan stayed.
Bevan stayed, and I came back.
And even that should not have been much of a shock to me, and in some ways it wasn't. He's the one who kept saying "yeah well maybe I'll just stay in China." He's the one who has nothing going on here. I'm the one who has all the stuff - I have school I'm trying to finish, and besides that all my doctors are here and are actually cooperating. It's not like I can just pack up and take off, going wherever the wind takes me. I had stuff to come back to. And I wanted to come back. He wanted to stay there. And I was just excited for him that he actually wanted something and went after it.
Our trip to Korea was like this crazy trip to the future - Korea was a lot like what I always imagined Japan would be like, in some ways. There was no kind of sense of impending doom. Not for me, anyway, and I don't think so for him either. We were just... living it up as much as we could until the day turned up when it was time for me to get on a plane.
I wonder how much of it was the shock of being back, you know, that reverse culture shock you get when you come home after having adapted to being somewhere else, and how much was the shock of being alone.
I guess it's easy to forget what it feels like to be alone.
I said "Jade" made me sad, and it does make me sad, for sure, and I'm sure I picked that song because I had recently done this crazy thing. I had flown to Chicago, by myself, after I had just said how much I hated flying and how much I hated flying alone - but then again a flight from Shanghai to New York City is infinitely more brutal than a flight from Philly to Chicago - but I suddenly wanted so badly to get to see this band I had listened to when I was in college - the first time around with college. They made the theme song to the anime X1999, and at the time, I loved everything Japanese anyway, and they're really very good, so it was easy to get into them. They have one song, called Art of Life that's half an hour long, complete with a 10 minute abstract-ish piano solo by the drummer, that I used to listen to when I lived with Daniel, like, religiously, every morning. You know, me and my routines. The more of them I have, the more peaceful I feel.
So I could have this song set to play while I got ready in the mornings, and it was like a timer for me cause I'd know roughly how much time went by depending on where the song was at, and by the time it ended I had better have had my ass in gear. This was when I was student teaching in the mornings so every day I really did have to keep to the same schedule, and every day I really did listen to that song.
I dunno what I was trying to do exactly when I went to see them at Lolla. Do something crazy just because I could? After all I had just been to Asia and back, so couldn't I do whatever I wanted anyway? I had also just been at a rock festival in Korea (the whole reason we were in Korea in the first place) and was surprised by a couple Japanese bands I recognized and was like, wow, does this ever take me back... and that probably had something to do with it too.
( Anyway. There are other songs that make me sad )
And that's really all.
Yeah, that's definitely all.
...In August 2010 I had been back from Asia for about a month.
I don't know why it felt like such a shock to be back. It's not like I ever thought I could have stayed there. It's not like anything we did there was like... the start of a new and different life for us or anything, I mean, it was a trip, not a relocation. Of course we weren't going to stay.
I mean, except for Bevan stayed.
Bevan stayed, and I came back.
And even that should not have been much of a shock to me, and in some ways it wasn't. He's the one who kept saying "yeah well maybe I'll just stay in China." He's the one who has nothing going on here. I'm the one who has all the stuff - I have school I'm trying to finish, and besides that all my doctors are here and are actually cooperating. It's not like I can just pack up and take off, going wherever the wind takes me. I had stuff to come back to. And I wanted to come back. He wanted to stay there. And I was just excited for him that he actually wanted something and went after it.
Our trip to Korea was like this crazy trip to the future - Korea was a lot like what I always imagined Japan would be like, in some ways. There was no kind of sense of impending doom. Not for me, anyway, and I don't think so for him either. We were just... living it up as much as we could until the day turned up when it was time for me to get on a plane.
I wonder how much of it was the shock of being back, you know, that reverse culture shock you get when you come home after having adapted to being somewhere else, and how much was the shock of being alone.
I guess it's easy to forget what it feels like to be alone.
I said "Jade" made me sad, and it does make me sad, for sure, and I'm sure I picked that song because I had recently done this crazy thing. I had flown to Chicago, by myself, after I had just said how much I hated flying and how much I hated flying alone - but then again a flight from Shanghai to New York City is infinitely more brutal than a flight from Philly to Chicago - but I suddenly wanted so badly to get to see this band I had listened to when I was in college - the first time around with college. They made the theme song to the anime X1999, and at the time, I loved everything Japanese anyway, and they're really very good, so it was easy to get into them. They have one song, called Art of Life that's half an hour long, complete with a 10 minute abstract-ish piano solo by the drummer, that I used to listen to when I lived with Daniel, like, religiously, every morning. You know, me and my routines. The more of them I have, the more peaceful I feel.
So I could have this song set to play while I got ready in the mornings, and it was like a timer for me cause I'd know roughly how much time went by depending on where the song was at, and by the time it ended I had better have had my ass in gear. This was when I was student teaching in the mornings so every day I really did have to keep to the same schedule, and every day I really did listen to that song.
I dunno what I was trying to do exactly when I went to see them at Lolla. Do something crazy just because I could? After all I had just been to Asia and back, so couldn't I do whatever I wanted anyway? I had also just been at a rock festival in Korea (the whole reason we were in Korea in the first place) and was surprised by a couple Japanese bands I recognized and was like, wow, does this ever take me back... and that probably had something to do with it too.
( Anyway. There are other songs that make me sad )
And that's really all.
Yeah, that's definitely all.
