I Am Going On A Date
Sep. 12th, 2008 11:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationYes, you read that right. I am going on a date, I really am.
How this came about is a little bit odd
OH WAIT THAT IS NOT MY BIG NEWS!
I have real actual big news that has nothing to do with going on a date:
I have money.
I have taken out a loan on my other house, because I now have the go-ahead to do what I need to do to the property. My bills for this month are all paid now. My fridge is full of groceries and... I have ordered myself a super deluxe cappuccino machine. It will be here in three to five business days :P
I have found renters for my upstairs. They're kids - they're seventeen and eighteen, three of them, two guys and one girl. Apparently people do that around here, get their own apartments when they are seniors in high school, because housing is so cheap in the wintertime. So that rent coming in will take care of... the loan payments for the first loan. What I make at the restaurant I guess will go to the rest of the bills, and if I run short, well, I have all the loan money to back me up... until that gets spent on the house... but by that time it will be next summer and I will have people renting both floors of this house and hopefully one floor of that house as well HOPEFULLY YEAH RIGHT AS IF I COULD PULL THAT OFF IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME!
Yesterday was Thursday, which used to be my one and only day off from both jobs. Now I have only one job and plenty of days off but I still am in the habit of making sure I chill out on Thursdays.
I had this urge yesterday to just lay outside in the grass, you know, facing up at the sky with my arms spread out - I don't have a yard, though. There's not really any grass around here, either. I mean, there is somewhere, but not anywhere I can go lay in it. I know, I know, I say I'm such a city girl but sometimes I just want... grass... for laying in.
Sitting on the porch wasn't cutting it. I decided to go out on the beach and laid on the sand instead, facing the sky with my arms flung out and smoking a clove. The season is over now and there was hardly anyone on the beach. Then my phone rang, and it was Erica. I almost didn't answer it, but then I did. She wanted to know where I was, and I said I was out on the beach. She was like, "omg, what beach?"
My beach, of course, I told her. I guess she thought I had gone out to some other beach for the day with a bunch of friends and not invited her or something. Not that I would have any reason to do something like that, or anything.
Well, so, she came over and found me on the beach. It wasn't hard. I am pretty predictable like that, I will only sit in one spot on my beach, one block from my house and about five feet from the pathway, not the side with the trash can on it. I know, I am particular like that. Whatever.
"So, it's a good thing I was able to get a ride up to New York last weekend," I tried. She acted like she didn't get it. Like yes, it was a good thing I got to go to New York. "It would have really sucked for Matt if he had bought those tickets for us and then nobody actually showed up." She still played dumb, like, yep, that would have sucked indeed. "So, look, are you going to apologize, or what?" I finally demanded.
Well you never got back to me about what I owed Matt for the tickets, we never decided what time we were leaving, blah blah blah, she tried, but I wasn't having it.
No, actually, I was having it. I kinda just let it all slide. She never did apologize. I was kinda like, "whatever, it all worked out in the end." In other words, I LET HER WALK ALL THE FUCK OVER ME.
And, moving on from that, we also continued to sit on the beach and talk for another hour or so, and then went back to my house to sit on the porch and drink beer. Which I did, in a way, want to do, because it's been a while since I've talked to her and I've missed her. And she said herself that she's missed hanging out with me. And it's true, I have been pretty distant recently, but that's because I've been feeling like shit pretty much every day. Sometimes I try to suck it up and deal but sometimes I'm just not feeling even attempting it. This has been a fairly acceptable week, though, as far as how I've been feeling health wise.
Erica has been hooking up with someone. Just like I thought she must have been.
Erica has been hooking up with a girl. She told me that and I was all 0.o and really I felt like she had punched me right in the gut, and I couldn't even try to hide my expression and she was like, "I knew you'd be mad at me!"
I said I wasn't mad. And I'm not mad at her about that I'm just... I don't know.
Part of me sees it this way: I am the one who found her in the diner. I am the one who charmed her this way and that. I am the one whose house she practically spent the whole summer at. I was good enough to spill her guts to every night. I was good enough to know all her secrets. I was good enough to be included in every social escapade she wanted to plan and I was good enough to be dragged along on girly shopping sprees (ok, so I didn't really have to be dragged) and it's just that she isn't attracted to women that kept us at the "just friends" stage. There was no contest because I wasn't a contestant, because she very adamantly liked guys. Because of course I thought she was drop dead gorgeous the minute I saw her, and that's why I started talking to her in the first place. Of course I was attracted to her. I am still attracted to her, she's hot as hell.
And then the other part of me sees something else - she was bored. She could tell right away how lonely I am here and she wanted someone to keep her company while she looked for someone better. Of course she would never be attracted to me - of course I don't turn any heads. Nobody watches me walk by and says "yeah, I'd tap that." As funny and interesting and entertaining as I try to be, I'm not hot and I'm not gorgeous and I know it. It's just... I feel like, had she told me she's dating a guy, I would be happy for her, but since it's a girl she's seeing, I just feel like, wait, what was wrong with me??? And then of course in my head I'm going, well, let's see, I'm mean, I'm high maintenance, I complain all the time, I never have any money, I'm annoying... and the list goes on.
So I was like, what's her name? Well, the girl's name is Hanna. Like the hurricane. So I (brilliantly of course) said omg you're going out with Hannah Montana?
And Erica was like, ok, now I know you're really mad.
And I'm not mad. About that. I'm just... sad. And it's stupid, it's really, really stupid. I never acted like I was interested in Erica - I never was interested in Erica, I don't want a girlfriend, and I don't want her to be my girlfriend, and, and, and... like I said, it's stupid. Really stupid.
Anyway. I am going on a date.
After hanging around in that strip club and getting a lap dance from Brandy-with-a-tongue-ring and then hanging out with Matt and his girlfriend and Jimmy and his girlfriend and then hearing about Erica and her girlfriend-or-whatever... I'd go on a date. A blind date. A random date. I'd randomly fool around with someone. Just in it for the thrill, thanks, yeah, I'd definitely do that.
No, instead me and B are going on a date.
B's friend is getting married in October and B asked me to be his date to the wedding. He asked me very nicely and somehow also nicely made it clear that I was not to refuse to go. I'm still not quite sure how that worked... but it did, cause I'm going.
Why is Jory not going with him? B says you do not break up with a girl and then invite her to a wedding unless you are planning to propose to her.
I would not have thought of it that way, but... well, also, I didn't know they were actually broken up. I have been making it a point not to ask. And I'm not completely convinced that they are completely broken up, either. They do that sometimes, split up or say they're going to. They did it a few times over the summer when she was here - I'm sure they can do it just as much long distance.
B says they are broken up for real, however. He says he does not want to tie her down - he doesn't want her coming back here after she graduates just because he's here. He doesn't want to go through another year of being faithful to a girlfriend who lives in a college town and is living it up and likely cheating on him. And... he says she should do better than him. Not she could. She should.
I was kind of surprised to hear that last one. But I didn't really want to argue. I guess the automatic response to a statement like that would be, "no, you're awesome, no one could be better than you are, you're great," but she didn't say that to him, he said that about himself. And who am I to think a sentence out of my mouth can change someone's opinion of themself?
Either way - I have been asked to be his date. His specific words were, "please come with me. I'll make it worth your while - I'll make it a real date, you'll have a good time."
And again I was kind of like 0.o
First I was like 0.o Jory?
Then I was like 0.o dress?
You wear dresses to weddings, right?
Yeah I don't own a dress. Oh, well, I own some sundresses. But they're definitely not appropriate for a wedding. I don't own any nice skirts either. I have to... buy... something... to wear...
And then I was like 0.o ARE YOU SURE????
If this was a family event instead of a friend I think I would have said no. I don't know, something about being introduced to the family as "my date" is just too bizarre for me.
I've never been to a wedding before and I'm not convinced I really want to go to this one. I don't know the people getting married - I've never even met them.
And I've had a weird, weird week. This was just the icing on the cake, really. I'm going on a date.
How this came about is a little bit odd
OH WAIT THAT IS NOT MY BIG NEWS!
I have real actual big news that has nothing to do with going on a date:
I have money.
I have taken out a loan on my other house, because I now have the go-ahead to do what I need to do to the property. My bills for this month are all paid now. My fridge is full of groceries and... I have ordered myself a super deluxe cappuccino machine. It will be here in three to five business days :P
I have found renters for my upstairs. They're kids - they're seventeen and eighteen, three of them, two guys and one girl. Apparently people do that around here, get their own apartments when they are seniors in high school, because housing is so cheap in the wintertime. So that rent coming in will take care of... the loan payments for the first loan. What I make at the restaurant I guess will go to the rest of the bills, and if I run short, well, I have all the loan money to back me up... until that gets spent on the house... but by that time it will be next summer and I will have people renting both floors of this house and hopefully one floor of that house as well HOPEFULLY YEAH RIGHT AS IF I COULD PULL THAT OFF IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME!
Yesterday was Thursday, which used to be my one and only day off from both jobs. Now I have only one job and plenty of days off but I still am in the habit of making sure I chill out on Thursdays.
I had this urge yesterday to just lay outside in the grass, you know, facing up at the sky with my arms spread out - I don't have a yard, though. There's not really any grass around here, either. I mean, there is somewhere, but not anywhere I can go lay in it. I know, I know, I say I'm such a city girl but sometimes I just want... grass... for laying in.
Sitting on the porch wasn't cutting it. I decided to go out on the beach and laid on the sand instead, facing the sky with my arms flung out and smoking a clove. The season is over now and there was hardly anyone on the beach. Then my phone rang, and it was Erica. I almost didn't answer it, but then I did. She wanted to know where I was, and I said I was out on the beach. She was like, "omg, what beach?"
My beach, of course, I told her. I guess she thought I had gone out to some other beach for the day with a bunch of friends and not invited her or something. Not that I would have any reason to do something like that, or anything.
Well, so, she came over and found me on the beach. It wasn't hard. I am pretty predictable like that, I will only sit in one spot on my beach, one block from my house and about five feet from the pathway, not the side with the trash can on it. I know, I am particular like that. Whatever.
"So, it's a good thing I was able to get a ride up to New York last weekend," I tried. She acted like she didn't get it. Like yes, it was a good thing I got to go to New York. "It would have really sucked for Matt if he had bought those tickets for us and then nobody actually showed up." She still played dumb, like, yep, that would have sucked indeed. "So, look, are you going to apologize, or what?" I finally demanded.
Well you never got back to me about what I owed Matt for the tickets, we never decided what time we were leaving, blah blah blah, she tried, but I wasn't having it.
No, actually, I was having it. I kinda just let it all slide. She never did apologize. I was kinda like, "whatever, it all worked out in the end." In other words, I LET HER WALK ALL THE FUCK OVER ME.
And, moving on from that, we also continued to sit on the beach and talk for another hour or so, and then went back to my house to sit on the porch and drink beer. Which I did, in a way, want to do, because it's been a while since I've talked to her and I've missed her. And she said herself that she's missed hanging out with me. And it's true, I have been pretty distant recently, but that's because I've been feeling like shit pretty much every day. Sometimes I try to suck it up and deal but sometimes I'm just not feeling even attempting it. This has been a fairly acceptable week, though, as far as how I've been feeling health wise.
Erica has been hooking up with someone. Just like I thought she must have been.
Erica has been hooking up with a girl. She told me that and I was all 0.o and really I felt like she had punched me right in the gut, and I couldn't even try to hide my expression and she was like, "I knew you'd be mad at me!"
I said I wasn't mad. And I'm not mad at her about that I'm just... I don't know.
Part of me sees it this way: I am the one who found her in the diner. I am the one who charmed her this way and that. I am the one whose house she practically spent the whole summer at. I was good enough to spill her guts to every night. I was good enough to know all her secrets. I was good enough to be included in every social escapade she wanted to plan and I was good enough to be dragged along on girly shopping sprees (ok, so I didn't really have to be dragged) and it's just that she isn't attracted to women that kept us at the "just friends" stage. There was no contest because I wasn't a contestant, because she very adamantly liked guys. Because of course I thought she was drop dead gorgeous the minute I saw her, and that's why I started talking to her in the first place. Of course I was attracted to her. I am still attracted to her, she's hot as hell.
And then the other part of me sees something else - she was bored. She could tell right away how lonely I am here and she wanted someone to keep her company while she looked for someone better. Of course she would never be attracted to me - of course I don't turn any heads. Nobody watches me walk by and says "yeah, I'd tap that." As funny and interesting and entertaining as I try to be, I'm not hot and I'm not gorgeous and I know it. It's just... I feel like, had she told me she's dating a guy, I would be happy for her, but since it's a girl she's seeing, I just feel like, wait, what was wrong with me??? And then of course in my head I'm going, well, let's see, I'm mean, I'm high maintenance, I complain all the time, I never have any money, I'm annoying... and the list goes on.
So I was like, what's her name? Well, the girl's name is Hanna. Like the hurricane. So I (brilliantly of course) said omg you're going out with Hannah Montana?
And Erica was like, ok, now I know you're really mad.
And I'm not mad. About that. I'm just... sad. And it's stupid, it's really, really stupid. I never acted like I was interested in Erica - I never was interested in Erica, I don't want a girlfriend, and I don't want her to be my girlfriend, and, and, and... like I said, it's stupid. Really stupid.
Anyway. I am going on a date.
After hanging around in that strip club and getting a lap dance from Brandy-with-a-tongue-ring and then hanging out with Matt and his girlfriend and Jimmy and his girlfriend and then hearing about Erica and her girlfriend-or-whatever... I'd go on a date. A blind date. A random date. I'd randomly fool around with someone. Just in it for the thrill, thanks, yeah, I'd definitely do that.
No, instead me and B are going on a date.
B's friend is getting married in October and B asked me to be his date to the wedding. He asked me very nicely and somehow also nicely made it clear that I was not to refuse to go. I'm still not quite sure how that worked... but it did, cause I'm going.
Why is Jory not going with him? B says you do not break up with a girl and then invite her to a wedding unless you are planning to propose to her.
I would not have thought of it that way, but... well, also, I didn't know they were actually broken up. I have been making it a point not to ask. And I'm not completely convinced that they are completely broken up, either. They do that sometimes, split up or say they're going to. They did it a few times over the summer when she was here - I'm sure they can do it just as much long distance.
B says they are broken up for real, however. He says he does not want to tie her down - he doesn't want her coming back here after she graduates just because he's here. He doesn't want to go through another year of being faithful to a girlfriend who lives in a college town and is living it up and likely cheating on him. And... he says she should do better than him. Not she could. She should.
I was kind of surprised to hear that last one. But I didn't really want to argue. I guess the automatic response to a statement like that would be, "no, you're awesome, no one could be better than you are, you're great," but she didn't say that to him, he said that about himself. And who am I to think a sentence out of my mouth can change someone's opinion of themself?
Either way - I have been asked to be his date. His specific words were, "please come with me. I'll make it worth your while - I'll make it a real date, you'll have a good time."
And again I was kind of like 0.o
First I was like 0.o Jory?
Then I was like 0.o dress?
You wear dresses to weddings, right?
Yeah I don't own a dress. Oh, well, I own some sundresses. But they're definitely not appropriate for a wedding. I don't own any nice skirts either. I have to... buy... something... to wear...
And then I was like 0.o ARE YOU SURE????
If this was a family event instead of a friend I think I would have said no. I don't know, something about being introduced to the family as "my date" is just too bizarre for me.
I've never been to a wedding before and I'm not convinced I really want to go to this one. I don't know the people getting married - I've never even met them.
And I've had a weird, weird week. This was just the icing on the cake, really. I'm going on a date.
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CONGRATS!!!
Date: 2008-09-13 12:24 pm (UTC)And I don't care WHAT Erica's excuse was, she's still being a biatch and she still owes you an apology.
But anyway, CONGRATS! Don't worry about your timeline, you can totally do this!
Re: CONGRATS!!!
Date: 2008-09-13 05:30 pm (UTC)I am definitely a chronic worrier - there was really no reason to think that the house would not work out in the end, and yet that has been my constant fear pretty much ever since aquiring it. Of course it hasn't "totally worked out" yet, but it's definitely going to happen. Definitely! And thanks for the vote of confidence!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-13 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-13 05:30 pm (UTC)