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exhilarationSo I had a conversation with Erica this morning in the car on the way to work. I told her before that she could move the boxes in the extra bedroom up to the attic if she wanted to - she didn't want to, I guess, cause they're still in the extra bedroom and she doesn't go in there. Which... is understandable, since there really isn't anything in there. But her being around is kind of like the kick in the ass I needed to really get started finishing the house up. There are a lot of things I have just not been bothering with or putting off for whenever because it's been just me here - now she's here too so I feel like I have to step it up a notch or something.
This time I asked her to please take the boxes up to the attic :P
And she is the one who brought up paying rent again - I don't need rent money from her, and I can't even charge her rent in good conscience, considering what the house is like right now. But I need favors like you wouldn't believe. So she and I together are going to "finish" the extra bedroom, and her help is going to be considered rent, and then after it's finished if she really is going to keep living here then she can pay me rent.
I think that's fair, right?
So, it's yellow, white, and blue for the third bedroom. I never would have picked that, but that's what Erica picked, and I just don't really feel like contradicting her - it doesn't really matter, after this year, I'm not going to be living here anyway, and I'm definitely never staying in that bedroom. I'm sure it will be fine. I think I know where I can order some white wicker furniture, too - nice and beach-looking, and all that.
So, tomorrow is the wedding with B. That'd be the DATE, and he's the one who said it would be a real date, not me.
My other date, the blind date that Erica and Hanna ambushed me with, totally bombed, and I know this will be different, but this has the potential to totally bomb too. I really don't want that to happen.
I'm not a good date, though. I never was. I try, but... I'm usually the most awkward person on the planet. And, then, of course, there is the fact that B is a guy. I've really never been on a date with a guy. And he's my friend. I don't generally go on dates with friends, either. So, I don't know. I don't known how to act, what to do... I'm going to get introduced to all these people, random people - B said he hardly knows anyone who is going to be there - and, just, errrrrrrgh, I'm not comfortable in situations like that. It's like when I didn't want to go to Erica's graduation party, because there were going to be all these people there I didn't know wanting to know who I was and how I knew her...
Well... I thought I would have more to say about this than just what I said already... but there's not much I can really say about a general feeling of uncomfortableness, is there?
It's just... I bought this fabulous dress - I don't wear dresses, why would I, where would I ever go where I needed to dress up? Nowhere. So this is pretty much going to be the only time I get to wear this dress. And it looks good on me - it really does. And I can't count how many times I've gone somewhere and known I looked completely awesome and the evening STILL bombed. So it's like, does it even matter? Looks can't be all that important, then, can they?
You can change how you look, to an extent. You can wear make-up, wear nice clothes, do your hair, whatever. You can't change your personality. And I guess mine is just not... one that people normally "get." Which is a shame. Because I really like people. I like being around people. I like going out. I don't like being at home by myself (hey, I am at home by myself right now!) - and...
On one hand, I wish I knew what B was thinking when he invited me along and specifically told me it would be a real date. I want to know why he thought I would have such a good time (he said so, specifically, that he knew he could make me have a good time). I want to know... I want to know what he thinks is going on with me and him. I mean, I'm not sure what I think is going on, so, it'd be interesting to know how he sees it.
On the other hand, I don't want to have "that conversation." I don't want to be that girl who says "we need to talk about us." Cause we don't need to - I'm just curious, I'm not complaining, and I'm afraid that trying to talk about it will change it irreversibly. Me and Krissy had "that talk," and after we did, things were never the same. There was a certain amount of fun that just... stopped, after that. And, after we had that talk... she was pretty much my girlfriend. And... I definitely don't want B to be my boyfriend. AND... I am pretty much certain he isn't interested in doing that either.
So... I am really never going to know what's going on in his head. Unless I learn to read minds, or something. I don't think I can master that by tomorrow, though :P
This time I asked her to please take the boxes up to the attic :P
And she is the one who brought up paying rent again - I don't need rent money from her, and I can't even charge her rent in good conscience, considering what the house is like right now. But I need favors like you wouldn't believe. So she and I together are going to "finish" the extra bedroom, and her help is going to be considered rent, and then after it's finished if she really is going to keep living here then she can pay me rent.
I think that's fair, right?
So, it's yellow, white, and blue for the third bedroom. I never would have picked that, but that's what Erica picked, and I just don't really feel like contradicting her - it doesn't really matter, after this year, I'm not going to be living here anyway, and I'm definitely never staying in that bedroom. I'm sure it will be fine. I think I know where I can order some white wicker furniture, too - nice and beach-looking, and all that.
So, tomorrow is the wedding with B. That'd be the DATE, and he's the one who said it would be a real date, not me.
My other date, the blind date that Erica and Hanna ambushed me with, totally bombed, and I know this will be different, but this has the potential to totally bomb too. I really don't want that to happen.
I'm not a good date, though. I never was. I try, but... I'm usually the most awkward person on the planet. And, then, of course, there is the fact that B is a guy. I've really never been on a date with a guy. And he's my friend. I don't generally go on dates with friends, either. So, I don't know. I don't known how to act, what to do... I'm going to get introduced to all these people, random people - B said he hardly knows anyone who is going to be there - and, just, errrrrrrgh, I'm not comfortable in situations like that. It's like when I didn't want to go to Erica's graduation party, because there were going to be all these people there I didn't know wanting to know who I was and how I knew her...
Well... I thought I would have more to say about this than just what I said already... but there's not much I can really say about a general feeling of uncomfortableness, is there?
It's just... I bought this fabulous dress - I don't wear dresses, why would I, where would I ever go where I needed to dress up? Nowhere. So this is pretty much going to be the only time I get to wear this dress. And it looks good on me - it really does. And I can't count how many times I've gone somewhere and known I looked completely awesome and the evening STILL bombed. So it's like, does it even matter? Looks can't be all that important, then, can they?
You can change how you look, to an extent. You can wear make-up, wear nice clothes, do your hair, whatever. You can't change your personality. And I guess mine is just not... one that people normally "get." Which is a shame. Because I really like people. I like being around people. I like going out. I don't like being at home by myself (hey, I am at home by myself right now!) - and...
On one hand, I wish I knew what B was thinking when he invited me along and specifically told me it would be a real date. I want to know why he thought I would have such a good time (he said so, specifically, that he knew he could make me have a good time). I want to know... I want to know what he thinks is going on with me and him. I mean, I'm not sure what I think is going on, so, it'd be interesting to know how he sees it.
On the other hand, I don't want to have "that conversation." I don't want to be that girl who says "we need to talk about us." Cause we don't need to - I'm just curious, I'm not complaining, and I'm afraid that trying to talk about it will change it irreversibly. Me and Krissy had "that talk," and after we did, things were never the same. There was a certain amount of fun that just... stopped, after that. And, after we had that talk... she was pretty much my girlfriend. And... I definitely don't want B to be my boyfriend. AND... I am pretty much certain he isn't interested in doing that either.
So... I am really never going to know what's going on in his head. Unless I learn to read minds, or something. I don't think I can master that by tomorrow, though :P
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Date: 2008-10-12 04:47 am (UTC)I think it is. I currently live in a similar situation where I cook dinner, clean the house, etc., in exchange for a place to stay.