Posting While Toasting
Jul. 6th, 2009 09:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
exhilarationI make a sincere effort not to do this. Posting while only half in my head, I mean.
But - it's part of my life. I've been feeling, physically, like shit recently. I'm kind of sick of it. I've been sick of it for more than long enough. I'm not a fan of being messed up on painkillers that don't even take the pain away.
You think I'm well-spoken? Well-written? Yeah, not tonight I'm not. This is how it goes:
I'm disgusted. My sneer of disgust is permeating my every expression - why so disgusted, Lara?
Erica has been talking shit on me. I don't need this shite in my life, and not from someone I consider a friend. I didn't hook up with her ex. I didn't even almost hook up with her ex. We had coffee in a diner together, and that's all. Erica's made the biggest deal about this, moping around at work, sitting at the employee table with her head down waiting for people to ask her what's wrong and then telling anyone who will lend half an ear how I betrayed her.
Excuse me. Hanna isn't her girlfriend and hasn't been in months and months, Erica's the one who ditched her, and besides that, nothing happened between us and nothing is going to.
But she's gone on with this grudge against me to start talking shit on me all together - telling people I make all kinds of shit up and that I'm a pathological liar. I had this weird conversation with Jenna the bartender the other day at work, and, now, knowing what Erica's been saying about me, it makes a little more sense. I'm being mocked.
I said something about going to China in the fall. Jenna said something about me living in Africa, and then she was like, wait, or was it Italy? It was such a weird tone of voice she used, as if she didn't believe I had done either, and when I said it was actually both, she gave this fake "ooohhh, both" comment, and damn, did I ever even feel like I was making that up. It does sound pretty unreal. It was a long time ago, but it's perfectly true. Even if it doesn't seem like it now.
I just - there's no way to even respond to that. I know what's true and what isn't and I realize it does seem kind of crazy - sometimes I have trouble with it myself, but it was all real. It really bothers me now that people believe her, that people really think I'm so desperate and delusional to make this stuff up. My travels are something I'm really proud of - knowing people think I made it all up really takes away from that.
Damn but does she know how to hit me where it hurts.
Girls suck.
Every. Damn. Time.
Even when you don't hook up with them.
And I feel like shit. I really think I'm gonna travel like this? Yeah fucking right. Who am I kidding?
But - it's part of my life. I've been feeling, physically, like shit recently. I'm kind of sick of it. I've been sick of it for more than long enough. I'm not a fan of being messed up on painkillers that don't even take the pain away.
You think I'm well-spoken? Well-written? Yeah, not tonight I'm not. This is how it goes:
I'm disgusted. My sneer of disgust is permeating my every expression - why so disgusted, Lara?
Erica has been talking shit on me. I don't need this shite in my life, and not from someone I consider a friend. I didn't hook up with her ex. I didn't even almost hook up with her ex. We had coffee in a diner together, and that's all. Erica's made the biggest deal about this, moping around at work, sitting at the employee table with her head down waiting for people to ask her what's wrong and then telling anyone who will lend half an ear how I betrayed her.
Excuse me. Hanna isn't her girlfriend and hasn't been in months and months, Erica's the one who ditched her, and besides that, nothing happened between us and nothing is going to.
But she's gone on with this grudge against me to start talking shit on me all together - telling people I make all kinds of shit up and that I'm a pathological liar. I had this weird conversation with Jenna the bartender the other day at work, and, now, knowing what Erica's been saying about me, it makes a little more sense. I'm being mocked.
I said something about going to China in the fall. Jenna said something about me living in Africa, and then she was like, wait, or was it Italy? It was such a weird tone of voice she used, as if she didn't believe I had done either, and when I said it was actually both, she gave this fake "ooohhh, both" comment, and damn, did I ever even feel like I was making that up. It does sound pretty unreal. It was a long time ago, but it's perfectly true. Even if it doesn't seem like it now.
I just - there's no way to even respond to that. I know what's true and what isn't and I realize it does seem kind of crazy - sometimes I have trouble with it myself, but it was all real. It really bothers me now that people believe her, that people really think I'm so desperate and delusional to make this stuff up. My travels are something I'm really proud of - knowing people think I made it all up really takes away from that.
Damn but does she know how to hit me where it hurts.
Girls suck.
Every. Damn. Time.
Even when you don't hook up with them.
And I feel like shit. I really think I'm gonna travel like this? Yeah fucking right. Who am I kidding?
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 02:06 am (UTC)(Can you tell ya got me riled up on this one?)
They're just insecure, small-town, gossipy bitches who have nothing better to do than to tear down people who've actually DONE something cooler than fuck the restaurant manager. She's pissed because her ex likes you better, because you're not a psycho-stalker.
And why the hell can't you travel? Prove 'em wrong! You made a plan, you can stick to it, and while you're at it...stick it to them! They'll be the ones working in that stupid restaurant while you're out seeing the Great Wall!
You could tell her to shut her damn face or you'll report her fling with the manager to the corporate higher-ups. Or say if she doesn't shut up, you'll sell all the shit she left at your house for travel money.
Sometimes the best way to deal with shit like this is to play the game better than they do.
Sorry for the epic-long comment, that shit just really pissed me off.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 05:07 pm (UTC)yeah small towns are great when everyone's your friend - I need to get out of here. I'm counting down the days, seriously.
Do not apologize for your epic-longness - I appreciate your righteous indignation on my behalf.