Lara I.

I did go to the doctor that time I said I had to go to the doctor - several months ago now.

That doctor referred me to another doctor (who is, fortunately, located here in NJ and not in Philadelphia) and THAT doctor referred me to a mobility specialist - basically a glorified physical therapist, I guess.

I've been made aware of several things so far, one being that I am definitely not the only one in my current situation. Every doctor who told me "meh, that's just what happens, deal with it" was completely full of it, just like I was certain had to be the case.

Two, my vague notion that I need to be exercising more/differently was entirely correct. My strong suspicion that I am WAY inflexible and that this is WAY bad was also right on. I mean, I've never been naturally flexible, pre-injury included, I dunno, it's just the way I was built I guess, but this is Not Good.

Three, my lower spine is starting to curve. This is also Way Bad. All those times I stared at myself in the mirror and thought my stomach was sticking out and couldn't figure out why (being that I have not gained any weight) and assumed it was some kind of internal issue - yeah. Apparently I'm becoming deformed. How very attractive. I'd guess this has been slowly happening since, oh, I don't know, all that hardware was removed from my spine? I didn't want that done for exactly this reason. Supposedly these two things are not related, but I don't see how they can't be.

I had to fill out a very intense questionnaire and midway through I kind of had the urge to bolt. I don't know how to explain why, either - I guess it was kind of that a lot of questions were practical, like, asking what kind of household chores I was able to do and what things I needed assistance for. The idea, it seemed, was that the therapist would then teach the patient new ways to do the things the patient couldn't do - I get that the questionnaire was very general and everyone who goes there has to fill one out and everyone's situation is different and so on, but I just got this sudden wave of I don't need this, I don't belong here, I don't need this kind of thing, this is not for me. I don't need help managing my daily life. I just don't want to be in pain.

And... that's about all for now.