This Isn't Called Crazy, You're Called Out Of Line

[exhilaration]

Dear Erica (and if you snoop around on my computer when I'm not home and actually read this, I don't care - but I'm pretty sure you don't),

I'm not crazy. I never thought I was crazy. None of my family or friends ever thought I was crazy. None of my doctors, including my psychiatrist (who doesn't give a shit about me, lol) think I'm crazy. "Crazy" and "angry" are two different things: "crazy" is organic. "Angry" is environmental. And right now, you are the environment.

I know you've been in my medicine basket looking for something to get high. I know you have. Cause I count my pills, and shit is missing. So, one, flying into a rage over this isn't "crazy." I have that shit because I need it, and you CANT have it because you DONT need it. And believe me, you don't want to need it.

And two, nothing in that basket is to be referred to as "crazy meds." I don't take "crazy meds" because I'm not crazy. There is an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer in there, and I do take them both, but this does not make me "crazy" so don't dismiss me being angry over you messing with my pills as "oh that's just Lara being crazy."

I guess I didn't make this clear when you moved in: those pills rule my life. Don't touch them. Don't "borrow" them and don't mess with them or play with them. I don't care how pathetic this makes me sound. Don't even think about it. Call me obsessed. Call me a junkie if you must.

BUT I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY.

Comments

[odetoverse.livejournal.com]

you should keep them in your purse like you would your keys or wallet - don't go anywhere without them. that always scares me because then im like OMFGGGGGG at the end of the month.

from what i've read i'm not really a fan of erica =X
so why are you?
(sorry if im like...being offensive or w/e =X)

[lara-everlong.livejournal.com]

I take so much shit I can't haul it all around with me... I do have a little pill case that I keep ON MY PERSON but I'd be scared to death to keep painkillers in my purse - I'd be afraid to leave it anywhere at work, and I can't put it where I can always have an eye on it. Waiters and bartenders and bussers get their tips stolen out of their bags if they leave them in there, I'm sure I'd get my pills stolen too, and then I'd really be SOL, wouldn't I?

from what i've read i'm not really a fan of erica =X

Just today or in general? Because today I'm beyond not being a fan - I can't live with someone who messes with my pills. End of story. It's just too... dangerous. What if I need them and they're not there? Then what? If she apologized and swore it would never happen again, that would be different, but she didn't. And if she doesn't get it now, she's not ever going to, I'm sure.

But as for why she's my friend in the first place... it's been a really long time since I've had a friend who's a girl who I haven't been trying to, you know, go out with. And I'm lonely here - I don't know many people and it's not exactly easy to meet anyone unless it's at work. She's fun to hang out with and spend time with.


But right now she's just so... off... out of line... it makes complete sense for me to be angry about my pills being messed with. And for her to say "you need to take your crazy meds" when I get angry over it... is just not... TOTALLY not okay. Not at all.

And you're not being offensive... you're taking my side. Which is good :P

[odetoverse.livejournal.com]

i dunno. i kind of remember you saying she was manipulative and stuff from when you went out (my brain is SO not on today so i could be confusing her with someone else lol) and then i remember her just showing up at your door needing a place to live and you kind of thinking it wasn't a good idea but you did it anyway and now shes stealing your pills AND making lame excuses for why you're mad which is beyond not cool T_T

and i don't know. i kind of just had the impression that she was manipulative and kind of stressful to you. but a) i could be coloring that with my own personality/experiences and b) it's just my interpretation

your's is the only one that matters ;D

[lara-everlong.livejournal.com]

ahhhh and the lightbulb goes on!

erica reminds me of my ex. I dunno if my ex is really manipulative or not, but I recall you thinking she was :P

but they are a lot alike. my ex is the kind of person who says "now don't get mad" before she says something that will obviously (and rightfully) make me mad. erica does that shit too. so personality-wise, they're definitely similar, and I compare them a lot. But my ex would never steal my pills. Not even two (which is all that I'm missing, but still, it's the principle of it) and she never called me crazy.

[odetoverse.livejournal.com]

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
haha now i get it

yeah im uber sleep deprived :P

[lara-everlong.livejournal.com]

go to bed, you :P