Lara I.

Snagged from shidoikarji26

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Only play if'n ya want...

Also: What do you want to hear me talk about? Pick a topic, any topic, that you want to hear me blog about, and I'll do an entry about it (or maybe a voice post!). You're free to pass this meme along, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

Ok so, comment on this post and I will ask you five questions. You will answer them in your own journal and repost this sentence or something resembling it along with them.

shidoikarji26 asked me these:

What do you like to be called (be it your screen name, your first name, a nickname, or a fabricated identity)?

My first name is Lara. That's what I like to be called. Whether or not I am a fabricated identity is classified information :P (I guess I'll answer to Miss Moralez but it might take you a few tries, lol)

What does your screen name mean/Where did it come from?

My original internet handle was Lara St. Muerte, referring to the fact that I liked to consider myself either immortal or the patron saint of death. I got a little older and thought that was just a bit too emo, and started using Lara Inside. Lara Inside was kind of intended to mean that I hide :P Like, inside :P It was meant to be silly. On livejournal Lara Inside wasn't available so I became Lara Everlong, naming myself for my favorite Foo Fighters song :P

Why do you use LiveJournal? What do you like about it?

I use livejournal because I am a sucker for minutia, and that can be found in abundance here on LJ. I like reading other people's journals more than I like writing in my own, but I write in mine as a form of fair trade, I guess.

Do you have any hobbies or favorite activities?

Um. Drinking beer could be considered a hobby, maybe. I do enough of it, lol. I dunno. I have a sketchbook that I draw in sporadically. I obsessively make playlists. I try to play guitar - that's about it though.

Who is your favorite family member, and why?

My favorite family member is my cousin Ryan, because he is the same age as me and looks like me, and we seem to understand each other in ways that only family members can. We don't see each other much or often and it always surprises me how much we turn out to have in common and how much we automatically get about each other. It's kinda cool.

From haro: Go to your calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2008. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".

January: I did not have internet access in January, so there were no posts

February: Twenty Fucking Four

March: Bad Friend

April: Dear Self: You Suck. Please Cease To Fall Apart. Love Self.

May: Stuff And Whatever

June: Well Well

July: My Favorite Doctor/Rose Vid

August: Just So You Know I Don't Make This Shit Up

September: What Passes For Structured: Not An Only Child

October: Blegh

November: My Job Is My Social Life

December: Good Night For Nine/Rose Smut... Right?

And there you have it. My year has been made up of Nine/Rose fangirling, curse words in excess, dissatisfaction, and a couple of random stories.

My birthday is in January, and in my head I really see that as my personal New Year's, but I don't think I'm really going to redeem myself in just one more month. I'm turning twenty five and I'm really pretty disgusted with my life right now. I wish I could see it differently, but... nope. My life is not what I ever thought it would be, not what I planned it to be, not what I want it to be, and not something I'm proud of. I look at myself with such disgust... and I think I would be a happier person if I didn't, but it's a hard mindset to break.

So, ah, Krissy came over to "talk." I'm not really ready to talk about that yet. So I posted this instead.

Like that bit about seven years of bad luck? Yeah, so don't mess with me.

So... I'm glad I got another job, I actually like it, it's not bad at all, and I'm only scheduled for two days next week. I'm seeing more and more why they hired me in the first place - I think their other applicants wanted at least twenty hours a week, and I said I wanted ten to fifteen. But my hours kind of dropped at my first job, because I guess everyone is home from college and they get priority on the schedule... not sure why, but that seems to be the way it's working.

I remember working Black Friday at the restaurant last year and it was absolute madness. It was busy this year but it wasn't completely mobbed like last year. That's the economy, I guess. I hope it doesn't get much worse than it already is. So far it hasn't been effecting me... much.

That's all.

I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to post about tonight. I have a couple things to say about Supernatural, not to mention DOCTOR WHO, but I haven't got it all quite organized. So... a meme, from haro: it's a little odd, but kind of interesting. If anyone answers, that is.

What has surprised you the most about me (if anything) since joining my flist? Was anything completely unexpected or have I always fit the picture of me you have in your head? Post this in your own journal and see how you have surprised people!

ithildyn took one of these, and so, being that it was about art, I had to take a bunch!

( artsy quiz results under this cut! )

I love leaving. Leaving is my favorite thing to do. Whenever something knocks me down... I leave. I have a long standing history of doing this. It's such a rush. It started when I left my parents' house to go to college, and I never stopped. It doesn't matter how much I do or don't love somewhere - once I get the idea that it's time to leave, I LEAVE, and I LOVE it.

A therapist would call this "running away," and this is why I don't like therapy. They take what you say and find the closest categorical response available, and just use that. I'm not running away - what am I running away from? There's nothing here. I don't have a problem settling down - why would I settle down here, I don't like it here! I don't have a problem forming attachments - I form too many attachments! Erica, for one - yeah, I'm pretty attached to her, alright. Erica is like... my sanity, my sounding board, and my constant chatter - she's like my TELEVISION. Always got something on. And Bevan - I am very, very attached to him. If I left here and never saw him again, I would be sad. That would be a very sad thing.

And it's not just the two of them - my manager, Vicky, who calls us all her kids. All my coworkers who've helped me out in a pinch and always invite me out - John, Heather, Lindsay, etc, even Sima, my ex-tenant. I'm kinda attached to all these people.

But I just don't see that as a reason to stay here.

I saw my cousin Ryan yesterday, and I think that's what has really set me off. Ryan grew up here - Ryan never wanted anything more than to leave here, and he did, and he comes home now and then, but he always takes off again. He works at ski resorts and stuff - he was a surfer, but he switched from waves to mountains because he wanted change. Ryan does it all the time, leaves and goes somewhere else, because it's just time. No one says he's running away from anything, no one says he has attachment problems, issues, disorders - they say he's a "free spirit" or sometimes that he musta been a flower child or something.

He wasn't - but close to. My other two cousins, the ones who are older than me and Ryan, lived in a tent with my Aunt Jen and Uncle Ber until my oldest cousin was seven. Yes really.

Ryan and I look alike. A lot alike. It's almost eerie. I mean, the older we get and the more into our own lives we get, yeah, we do look a little different. But the basics stay the same. If I said I had a twin brother, and introduced him, no one would ever question it. So what's so different from him to me? Why am I always viewed as "running away" and he's "running free?"

I'd discuss this with Ryan himself, but, see, he's already off to find himself another mountain.

( This is eerily, eerily accurate... )

You give it a try, then, here, if you think this is a coincidence. Weird, eh?

But, because I'm stubborn like that (and the quiz did NOT peg that one!) I have to argue.

My life is not as bleak as this. Like I was telling ivy_poet, it IS better. There was a point where I just dared life to get any worse, because I didn't see how it could.

And it didn't. It got better. It's getting better. I'm not as unhappy as I sound. I promise.

From ithildyn

Clicking the questions will take you to the answers :P

(1 Point) My first name:
(2 Points) My last name:
(3 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(1 Point) Which Hogwarts house would I be sorted into?:
(1 Point) What is my hair color?:
(3 Points) Name my celeb-crush:
(1 Points) Do I have any children?:
(2 Points) What work do I do?:
(3 Points) What am I afraid of?:
(2 Points) Do I smoke?:
(2 Points) Do I drink?:
(2 Points) If I drink, what do I order?:
(2 Points) Do I have any siblings?:
(2 Points) How many?:
(4 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do?:
(2 Points) How many piercings do I have?:
(3 Points) What's my astro sun sign?:
(2 Points) What's my favorite way to relax?:
(2 Points) Who is my favorite band/artist?:
(3 Points) Am I shy or outgoing?:
(4 Points) What is my secret 'if I could do anything, money/reality no object' dream?:
(2 Points) What is my favorite color?:
(2 Points) Name something I hate:
(2 Points) Name a talent I have:
(2 Points) What's my fave place to shop?
(4 Points) What kind of shoes do I wear?:
(2 Points) Do I have any pets?:
(1 Point) Am I married?:
(3 Points) What is/was my field of study?:
(3 Points) Name something I collect:
(5 Points) What is the color of my bedroom?:
(5 Points) What is my worst habit?:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island/desolate mountaintop, what would I bring:
(6 Points) What's the biggest secret I keep from most people?:

Comments are screened

Edit: In the spirit of fairness, here is a freebie, because it does change pretty often: my hair color is pink. Bonus if you know what color it grows rather than what color it is :P